alright, here is resolution my hostmom named it for me, last year, for 2011
1. more assertive
2. speak louder
3. making more friends
did I make it? well, for honest. i did make it. :)
im going to cry right now. lol
now, im just gonna name my 2012 resolutions myself.
1. be more detail and decisive (its actually from my hostmom too :p)
2. be more social to big-family -cousins dkk-
3. STUDY HARDER THAN BEFORE
4. enter good university that I want
5. be humble
6. be more independent
7. PRAY a lot
those 7 are all PRIORITY.
Bismillah.
Kamis, 29 Desember 2011
Senin, 19 Desember 2011
stay strong, big guy!!
How do you treat your almost-always everyday-absent-classmate (class skipper??)? Its conditional. We treat them just fine if they generally are nice, and the opposite for the vice versa. Just fine doesnt literally mean JUST FINE, it has "teasing" kind of thing inside it. Teasing them for fun and yeah just for fun, you know, just a joke.
But how do you feel when you catch them crying over themselves because they feel their classmates are making fun of them so fanatically that they feel offended?
This is what happened last morning, at 2 AM, I had a nice-moving-vacation with my classmates at Pisita, Anyer. We had fun. A lot of FUN. One thing was the moving one is when we had this forum, just call it "sharing forum". The room we were in was dark cz we turned off the light to adding up some dramatic situation. And well, it worked. This one guy friend cried. He felt so grateful to have his classmates during these two years. And there was this guy who is a "class skipper" cried, too. Then this person were able to make all of us cried. It was so moving. His words was like magically turned our sleepy faces into guilty crying faces. This guy felt he was such a useless person and a garbage in class. He felt sorry. Of course we did cry. We didnt mean to have him feel that way, indeed. Though from the deepest heart of ours, we hoped that tears would change him to realize what he had done, surely, we want him to come to school and study like us EVERYDAY. Stay strong, big guy!
I cried, too. and it was like all that memories related to family and friends passed by. All my friends I have came into my mind and ordered the heart to cry. I am so grateful to live with such woderful and nice people ever. I am so grateful to find friends in US who were really able to make me smile everyday during my stay. I am so grateful to have me myself love and is loved by all friends despite our weakness. I am so grateful, I feel Ive been accepted before I was born as if people were waiting for me to be born. I will not treat my friends in vain. Hope they will not too. We live in mutual way, apparently.
But how do you feel when you catch them crying over themselves because they feel their classmates are making fun of them so fanatically that they feel offended?
This is what happened last morning, at 2 AM, I had a nice-moving-vacation with my classmates at Pisita, Anyer. We had fun. A lot of FUN. One thing was the moving one is when we had this forum, just call it "sharing forum". The room we were in was dark cz we turned off the light to adding up some dramatic situation. And well, it worked. This one guy friend cried. He felt so grateful to have his classmates during these two years. And there was this guy who is a "class skipper" cried, too. Then this person were able to make all of us cried. It was so moving. His words was like magically turned our sleepy faces into guilty crying faces. This guy felt he was such a useless person and a garbage in class. He felt sorry. Of course we did cry. We didnt mean to have him feel that way, indeed. Though from the deepest heart of ours, we hoped that tears would change him to realize what he had done, surely, we want him to come to school and study like us EVERYDAY. Stay strong, big guy!
I cried, too. and it was like all that memories related to family and friends passed by. All my friends I have came into my mind and ordered the heart to cry. I am so grateful to live with such woderful and nice people ever. I am so grateful to find friends in US who were really able to make me smile everyday during my stay. I am so grateful to have me myself love and is loved by all friends despite our weakness. I am so grateful, I feel Ive been accepted before I was born as if people were waiting for me to be born. I will not treat my friends in vain. Hope they will not too. We live in mutual way, apparently.
Jumat, 09 Desember 2011
Efforts
I was shocked. terribly schocked when I push out my Physic test from a stack of other friend's test. I got 2.5! What a stupid person that could make those grades!! And it is me!!
I wasnt that dissappointed, but like several minutes later, I feel so stupid. I have tutorials every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I study almost every night. Where in the world that grade came from?? I honestly felt coulndt do that impromptu daily Physic test, but I never thought it would be that bad. I am disliking myself for being overly stupid. I am questioning myself why I couldnt do the test. That 2.5 is the worst grade Ive ever had during my whole life time. SUCK. That's first.
Second. I AM MAD. I didnt even ask anybody the answers of the test and I did not open any books. Others did. And what happened? Others got terrific grades. They passed the test. I know it is common. I often experience that kind of thing. I didnt cheat and others cheated. Then Got worse grade than them. It might also happen to anybody like me that doesnt like cheating. Its common and I used to feel like nothing happened. didnt care. But why I feel so damn mad today?? Cz that 2.5 is too low, just too low. I hate it. Its very unfair.
I wish teachers graded the honesty of the students.
I realize cheating is a very common thing during school period even college perhaps. I dont like cheating, but I do like all my friends though my friends do cheat. Well what can I do if I do not like cheating and I do not like cheaters (read: my friends)? For right now, I cant say I hate cheaters. Got no friends if u hate cheaters cz everyone in the world are cheaters -___________-
But jut Please dont suggest me to follow others to cheat. I hate cheating.
I wasnt that dissappointed, but like several minutes later, I feel so stupid. I have tutorials every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I study almost every night. Where in the world that grade came from?? I honestly felt coulndt do that impromptu daily Physic test, but I never thought it would be that bad. I am disliking myself for being overly stupid. I am questioning myself why I couldnt do the test. That 2.5 is the worst grade Ive ever had during my whole life time. SUCK. That's first.
Second. I AM MAD. I didnt even ask anybody the answers of the test and I did not open any books. Others did. And what happened? Others got terrific grades. They passed the test. I know it is common. I often experience that kind of thing. I didnt cheat and others cheated. Then Got worse grade than them. It might also happen to anybody like me that doesnt like cheating. Its common and I used to feel like nothing happened. didnt care. But why I feel so damn mad today?? Cz that 2.5 is too low, just too low. I hate it. Its very unfair.
I wish teachers graded the honesty of the students.
I realize cheating is a very common thing during school period even college perhaps. I dont like cheating, but I do like all my friends though my friends do cheat. Well what can I do if I do not like cheating and I do not like cheaters (read: my friends)? For right now, I cant say I hate cheaters. Got no friends if u hate cheaters cz everyone in the world are cheaters -___________-
But jut Please dont suggest me to follow others to cheat. I hate cheating.
Rabu, 07 Desember 2011
I expected them to listen!
Another reason why I prefer writing (mainly nowadays though its hard to implement that "prefer-ness") is that not all people will listen to you.
You got story and youre planning to share em to your friends. How can you know they would listen?? Even A BESTFRIEND EVER, you have a chance to not be listened. Its not a fifty-fifty chance, It could be 80 to 20 chance for not be listened and be listened.
I have this one friend that I really proud of. Im brave enough to mention her name. NITA YUNITA. She is one of my bestfriends. She is a best listener EVER (best listener definition: You listen and you response; Response is not equal as solve). NONE of my stories that she didnt listen to. I like her. Good listener is good person I assume. I dont expect people to solve my stories, Im happy if people listen to me and response like they are excited to know more. Nita respects her friends.
So I realize something that is really important to me. I was not (or I am not) a really good listener. Now I am trying to be. Why? I have been in this situation when a friend of mine (SHE) did not listen to me. It SUCKS. I was like "FUCK YOU!" It felt like she did not respect me at all. The thing is, I ALWAYS listen to every single stories that she shares.
Im literally saying that I want people respect me when I DO RESPECT them. Its a mutual-life-things, you feel upset when somebody is using you- you help them when they need you, but they dont help you when you need them.
---------------------------------------- ***
You got story and youre planning to share em to your friends. How can you know they would listen?? Even A BESTFRIEND EVER, you have a chance to not be listened. Its not a fifty-fifty chance, It could be 80 to 20 chance for not be listened and be listened.
I have this one friend that I really proud of. Im brave enough to mention her name. NITA YUNITA. She is one of my bestfriends. She is a best listener EVER (best listener definition: You listen and you response; Response is not equal as solve). NONE of my stories that she didnt listen to. I like her. Good listener is good person I assume. I dont expect people to solve my stories, Im happy if people listen to me and response like they are excited to know more. Nita respects her friends.
So I realize something that is really important to me. I was not (or I am not) a really good listener. Now I am trying to be. Why? I have been in this situation when a friend of mine (SHE) did not listen to me. It SUCKS. I was like "FUCK YOU!" It felt like she did not respect me at all. The thing is, I ALWAYS listen to every single stories that she shares.
Im literally saying that I want people respect me when I DO RESPECT them. Its a mutual-life-things, you feel upset when somebody is using you- you help them when they need you, but they dont help you when you need them.
---------------------------------------- ***
First bad mood
hi bloggy. Its been a month I didnt visit you, well anyway here I am, writting to you, trying to make something right as always.
Sometimes I feel dumb to not write enough my whole-life-time story, I mean I used to write a lot to feel better, but since high school I kinda not in my mood to write frequently. I used to write poems like every single boredom that I had, i was associating with words, tried to make my poems suitable with my feelings, it didnt turn out to be lame until I read it over when I got to be a high schooler. All my poems were GARBAGE. I got upset to myself, I asked myself, "Didnt you have a good Indonesian teacher to teach you how to write? Didnt you have a brain of make-something-makessense already since you knew which one chair was and which one phone was? Are you really able to write?" Oh dang I was making everything messed up. I even didnt care what I was writing about and what it was for, all I remember was I wrote to make my feelings better and to feel proud that my writting full of STRANGE WORDS. Oh how lame.
And now, whenever I want to write something like formal stories or poems, I would think thrice (not twice), cz I dont want my writting to be meaningless.
Anyhow, I'd like to emphasize that sometimes I feel dumb to not write my life-stories. Im not saying that my life-stories are worth-reading, it just this urge and courage whenever I read my sister's write, Im like, "O wow, its beautiful if you had your kids or your future friends read it, moreover, if your future YOU yourself read it! Its gonna be full of laughs, cries, and smiles!". You know, when you think of something, it would dissappear fast, but if you write, hey there it is!! I LOVE WRITING. But the urge to really ACT to write?? Not really. Writing is hard, I admit it. And it needs time, literally, when I write, I need a whole day to really make a good writing. That makes me think I actually wasnt born to be a writer like my sister and my dad were. Though I wish I were.
I dont really like some writes about essays or critisizing things. I guess not all writers are actually implement what they write. thats what i dont like to be a writer. When you write you're supposed to pledge and promise yourself that your writes are not hands-movement only, but it is a way to make you and everybody who reads it become better person. If you write "study is good" means "I study". And thats the way it works. To me, bad writers are them who cannot guarantee their writes. Duh, I hate them. Really. Thats why I prefer to be a story-writer when you less likely advising readers directly.
Im not a good-word-arrangment-person kind of that. When I try to explain something well, my tongue tends to slipped as well as I write. But at least, when I write I have some times to think what I gotta say. So I prefer writing than speaking just like I prefer writing personal stories than chatting to my friends about my personal stuffs.
Now i kinda lose my mood booster to write. That's terrible. Cz when I dont write means I dont share anything. Means Im burrying my personal stories in my brain until it smells bad that what I call it distress.
Sometimes I feel dumb to not write enough my whole-life-time story, I mean I used to write a lot to feel better, but since high school I kinda not in my mood to write frequently. I used to write poems like every single boredom that I had, i was associating with words, tried to make my poems suitable with my feelings, it didnt turn out to be lame until I read it over when I got to be a high schooler. All my poems were GARBAGE. I got upset to myself, I asked myself, "Didnt you have a good Indonesian teacher to teach you how to write? Didnt you have a brain of make-something-makessense already since you knew which one chair was and which one phone was? Are you really able to write?" Oh dang I was making everything messed up. I even didnt care what I was writing about and what it was for, all I remember was I wrote to make my feelings better and to feel proud that my writting full of STRANGE WORDS. Oh how lame.
And now, whenever I want to write something like formal stories or poems, I would think thrice (not twice), cz I dont want my writting to be meaningless.
Anyhow, I'd like to emphasize that sometimes I feel dumb to not write my life-stories. Im not saying that my life-stories are worth-reading, it just this urge and courage whenever I read my sister's write, Im like, "O wow, its beautiful if you had your kids or your future friends read it, moreover, if your future YOU yourself read it! Its gonna be full of laughs, cries, and smiles!". You know, when you think of something, it would dissappear fast, but if you write, hey there it is!! I LOVE WRITING. But the urge to really ACT to write?? Not really. Writing is hard, I admit it. And it needs time, literally, when I write, I need a whole day to really make a good writing. That makes me think I actually wasnt born to be a writer like my sister and my dad were. Though I wish I were.
I dont really like some writes about essays or critisizing things. I guess not all writers are actually implement what they write. thats what i dont like to be a writer. When you write you're supposed to pledge and promise yourself that your writes are not hands-movement only, but it is a way to make you and everybody who reads it become better person. If you write "study is good" means "I study". And thats the way it works. To me, bad writers are them who cannot guarantee their writes. Duh, I hate them. Really. Thats why I prefer to be a story-writer when you less likely advising readers directly.
Im not a good-word-arrangment-person kind of that. When I try to explain something well, my tongue tends to slipped as well as I write. But at least, when I write I have some times to think what I gotta say. So I prefer writing than speaking just like I prefer writing personal stories than chatting to my friends about my personal stuffs.
Now i kinda lose my mood booster to write. That's terrible. Cz when I dont write means I dont share anything. Means Im burrying my personal stories in my brain until it smells bad that what I call it distress.
Rabu, 09 November 2011
November Wish
Wish me the strength of all elements. From earth, air, water, and fire.
Medically, I'm not in my good condition. Ive been going to the doctor back and forth. I dont really know what im dealing on, what kind of sickness i have, and what i should do. My parents keep telling me to believe that everything is gonna be alrite, just pray and take medicine, I'll be okay. well, i hope so.
I dont really know what causes that made me like this. My body immune system is getting weak, as if my leucosyte stop reproducing themselves. Its not necessirily getting weaker, its just getting up and down, mostly down.
My parent think I got stressed, I need to be happy to heal myself. I AM HAPPY.
Maaannn, im tired. Feels like im gonna die. Ive been trying to not get stressed. I am not depressed. I AM NOT. I feel comfortable with everything right now, my school, and myself. With those cases, I dont think Im sick cz of depression.
Everybody said Im too skinny, they assume Im very stressed to be a 12th grader, Im not, my scikness is making me stressed though im trying to not think about it. Every morning Im trying to pretend that im okay, im getting up with the spirit that i can collect as could as possible. So far, it works, morning is good time to smile. But night comes, feel like Im in the other side of me. Im so overwhelmed, im tired, i dont do any work-out-thingy or really-heavy-acitivities though, but I feel no power.
LOL. I still have like a really long time as an adolescence, but I feel really old. Something is not right, but lemme take it right. Pray and everything is going to be fine. all is well.
Medically, I'm not in my good condition. Ive been going to the doctor back and forth. I dont really know what im dealing on, what kind of sickness i have, and what i should do. My parents keep telling me to believe that everything is gonna be alrite, just pray and take medicine, I'll be okay. well, i hope so.
I dont really know what causes that made me like this. My body immune system is getting weak, as if my leucosyte stop reproducing themselves. Its not necessirily getting weaker, its just getting up and down, mostly down.
My parent think I got stressed, I need to be happy to heal myself. I AM HAPPY.
Maaannn, im tired. Feels like im gonna die. Ive been trying to not get stressed. I am not depressed. I AM NOT. I feel comfortable with everything right now, my school, and myself. With those cases, I dont think Im sick cz of depression.
Everybody said Im too skinny, they assume Im very stressed to be a 12th grader, Im not, my scikness is making me stressed though im trying to not think about it. Every morning Im trying to pretend that im okay, im getting up with the spirit that i can collect as could as possible. So far, it works, morning is good time to smile. But night comes, feel like Im in the other side of me. Im so overwhelmed, im tired, i dont do any work-out-thingy or really-heavy-acitivities though, but I feel no power.
LOL. I still have like a really long time as an adolescence, but I feel really old. Something is not right, but lemme take it right. Pray and everything is going to be fine. all is well.
Minggu, 09 Oktober 2011
9 10 11
ah bytheway, today is my birthday. im 19th now. old.
but i like the numbers though haha, 9 10 11, kinda cool :p
anyway, i get sick, severe flu, its been a week, my mid-test got really disturbed cz of this damn flu. last year i got sick on my birthday as well ha. too bad. too bad. too bad.
anyhow, happy birthday Risni. get well soon.
but i like the numbers though haha, 9 10 11, kinda cool :p
anyway, i get sick, severe flu, its been a week, my mid-test got really disturbed cz of this damn flu. last year i got sick on my birthday as well ha. too bad. too bad. too bad.
anyhow, happy birthday Risni. get well soon.
grade-oriented
kenapa sekolah itu bikin stress?
kenapa waktu gue di US (dan disini juga sih), gue benci banget sama PR yg banyak tp tetep gue kerjain?
waktu kelas X n XI, gue OSIS hampir tiap hari pulang sore atau malam -sangat menguras waktu-, debat sering latihan kalau ada lomba-cukup menguras waktu-, gue jarang bgt belajar tapi nilai gue termasuk gak jelek (bukan sombong, tp fakta he), dan gue senang menghadapi masa 2 tahun SMA gue, byk bgt hura-huranya, apalagi kelas 2. sekarang gue gada OSIS, debat udahan, tiap sekolah lgsg pulang, (nilai belum begitu keliahatan sih) tp bawaannya stress muluuuuu, gabisa hura-hura,kenapa???
gue tau kenapa!
karena semenjak habis lebaran, gue berubah jadi power rangeeerr!! *jiirrr jayus sumpah* semenjak habis lebaran, gue berubah menjadi org yg full-grade-oriented. kelas X, XI i could still get average-grades cz i enjoyed my highs school, i wasnt that grade-oriented person. now?
dulu, PR banyak tetap gue kerjain karena gue merasa PR itu kewajiban, gatau kenapa, udah dr SD bawaannya kalo gak ngerjain PR gak enak hati *cie elah* tapi sekali lagi, itu gue nikmatin! sekarang kelas 12? karena orientasi gue nilai nilai nilai nilai nilai dan nilai, gue jadi stress, nilai di bawah tmn2 sekelas kayaknya no hope in the future gitu, PR (apalagi PR kesenian) gue BENCI SETENGAH MATI, gue ngerjain PR sekarang2 ini semata2 ngejar nilai. and that is no good.
gue selalu inget kt2 tmn SMP gue, "Belajar itu buat tahu, bukan buat lulus". jujur, kata2 itu yg buat gue makin komitmen untuk gak nyontek di kala ulangan, dan gue senang bgt alhamdulillah dr SD sampai sekarang gue takut nyontek hahaha. anyway, permasalahannya bukan soal menyontek, tapi lebih kepada kata tahu atau lulus , kata ilmubermanfaat atau nilaibagus .
gue pingin banget bilang ke diri gue sendiri "Ris, kalo lo sekolah cuma buat ngejar nilai ngapain lo sekolah? bayar aja guru lo biar dpt nilai 100 semua, capek2 ngejar nilai, ilmu ga masuk. well yeah, kalo lo ngejar nilai doang, cenderung ilmu yg udah lo hafal ilang seketika"
sebenernya waktu gue di US, gue udah grade-oriented juga, abisnya guru2 gue sama hostmom gue muji2 nilai bagus gue mulu jadi kan mau gamau gue mesti jaga citra juga sampai akhir hahaha. ini rapot gue selama setahun disana:
BAGUS KAN?? HAHAHA
well, kalau kalian berada di posisi gue, you would get those great grades as well, karena emang itu bukan soal buat "org2 indonesia" :p hehe (gue ambil kelas mudah lagi hahaha)
so, what did i feel after i get that report?
gue bangga. gue merasa menjadi well-educated-indonesian.
now, what am i feeling?
miserable. why?
1st. the questions werent that hard, im sure most indonesians can get what i got
2nd. its only grades, you should ask yourself, did u get something really really new and try something challenge? or did u just repeat something over? like algebra???
3rd. i believe i wont get that kind of grades here, on my senior year. too bad.
suck.
tuh kan, grade-oriented kan gue???
i wanna change my paradigm.
i want to believe, school is not about grades only, school is about everything, mainly social life :)
i read this triangle diagram about college life from my friend's DP @ bbm. It says about sociallife-enoughsleep-goodgrades, the diagram says, in college you can only choose two. i dont wanna choose two, I WILL CHOOSE THREE. all of them, i gotta do that, i'll get goodgrades, lots of friends, and good health. i have to.
and i gotta do that now, like rite now, in my high school year as well.
cz school is not about grades only, it is about everything.
kenapa waktu gue di US (dan disini juga sih), gue benci banget sama PR yg banyak tp tetep gue kerjain?
waktu kelas X n XI, gue OSIS hampir tiap hari pulang sore atau malam -sangat menguras waktu-, debat sering latihan kalau ada lomba-cukup menguras waktu-, gue jarang bgt belajar tapi nilai gue termasuk gak jelek (bukan sombong, tp fakta he), dan gue senang menghadapi masa 2 tahun SMA gue, byk bgt hura-huranya, apalagi kelas 2. sekarang gue gada OSIS, debat udahan, tiap sekolah lgsg pulang, (nilai belum begitu keliahatan sih) tp bawaannya stress muluuuuu, gabisa hura-hura,kenapa???
gue tau kenapa!
karena semenjak habis lebaran, gue berubah jadi power rangeeerr!! *jiirrr jayus sumpah* semenjak habis lebaran, gue berubah menjadi org yg full-grade-oriented. kelas X, XI i could still get average-grades cz i enjoyed my highs school, i wasnt that grade-oriented person. now?
dulu, PR banyak tetap gue kerjain karena gue merasa PR itu kewajiban, gatau kenapa, udah dr SD bawaannya kalo gak ngerjain PR gak enak hati *cie elah* tapi sekali lagi, itu gue nikmatin! sekarang kelas 12? karena orientasi gue nilai nilai nilai nilai nilai dan nilai, gue jadi stress, nilai di bawah tmn2 sekelas kayaknya no hope in the future gitu, PR (apalagi PR kesenian) gue BENCI SETENGAH MATI, gue ngerjain PR sekarang2 ini semata2 ngejar nilai. and that is no good.
gue selalu inget kt2 tmn SMP gue, "Belajar itu buat tahu, bukan buat lulus". jujur, kata2 itu yg buat gue makin komitmen untuk gak nyontek di kala ulangan, dan gue senang bgt alhamdulillah dr SD sampai sekarang gue takut nyontek hahaha. anyway, permasalahannya bukan soal menyontek, tapi lebih kepada kata tahu atau lulus , kata ilmubermanfaat atau nilaibagus .
gue pingin banget bilang ke diri gue sendiri "Ris, kalo lo sekolah cuma buat ngejar nilai ngapain lo sekolah? bayar aja guru lo biar dpt nilai 100 semua, capek2 ngejar nilai, ilmu ga masuk. well yeah, kalo lo ngejar nilai doang, cenderung ilmu yg udah lo hafal ilang seketika"
sebenernya waktu gue di US, gue udah grade-oriented juga, abisnya guru2 gue sama hostmom gue muji2 nilai bagus gue mulu jadi kan mau gamau gue mesti jaga citra juga sampai akhir hahaha. ini rapot gue selama setahun disana:
BAGUS KAN?? HAHAHA
well, kalau kalian berada di posisi gue, you would get those great grades as well, karena emang itu bukan soal buat "org2 indonesia" :p hehe (gue ambil kelas mudah lagi hahaha)
so, what did i feel after i get that report?
gue bangga. gue merasa menjadi well-educated-indonesian.
now, what am i feeling?
miserable. why?
1st. the questions werent that hard, im sure most indonesians can get what i got
2nd. its only grades, you should ask yourself, did u get something really really new and try something challenge? or did u just repeat something over? like algebra???
3rd. i believe i wont get that kind of grades here, on my senior year. too bad.
suck.
tuh kan, grade-oriented kan gue???
i wanna change my paradigm.
i want to believe, school is not about grades only, school is about everything, mainly social life :)
i read this triangle diagram about college life from my friend's DP @ bbm. It says about sociallife-enoughsleep-goodgrades, the diagram says, in college you can only choose two. i dont wanna choose two, I WILL CHOOSE THREE. all of them, i gotta do that, i'll get goodgrades, lots of friends, and good health. i have to.
and i gotta do that now, like rite now, in my high school year as well.
cz school is not about grades only, it is about everything.
Sabtu, 10 September 2011
World is so small anyway
Im a part of Science 4 in my school now. I was in Science 3 and I loved in it. I will never be able to get over everything in it.
Anyhow, I always miss-written about my class nowadays, I put(almost) Science 3 in my books and my test instead of Science 4. Thats a something, I believe =.=
I love school, everybody loves school I assume.
So, Im not sayin that Im not liking my situation for being with new friends, I love them, really. It just this feeling what you call it "missing something missed". You get sadder and lover when you lost something, you miss things that used to be with you every time, you miss being next to them, talking with them, laughing with them, doing stuffs with them.
And this is, my school, is the same place when I had my time with them. In other hand, I feel like being left by an air-balloon that symbolize my friends while I was inside the bucket and I fell in to the place that we used to be together, the different is they were going somewhere to the new world.
Im too exaggerating. lol
dont care. I am a girl having sensitive feelings.
this is a poem to you friends:
Farewell is not a good fare to me
Because I dont need to be paid for a separation
I just need you to come back
Farewell is not welfare for me
Because you tend to say goodbyes
As if you dont want to meet me anymore
That is so not welfare
You even didnt throw a going-away-party
dont care
dont need it
I only need your big bear hugs
and a promise
to keep me in your mind
and meet me again
It sounds like Im being left by my bestfriends eveeerrr. hahahaha.
I have lots of friends. thats okay. World is so small anyway.
Anyhow, I always miss-written about my class nowadays, I put(almost) Science 3 in my books and my test instead of Science 4. Thats a something, I believe =.=
I love school, everybody loves school I assume.
So, Im not sayin that Im not liking my situation for being with new friends, I love them, really. It just this feeling what you call it "missing something missed". You get sadder and lover when you lost something, you miss things that used to be with you every time, you miss being next to them, talking with them, laughing with them, doing stuffs with them.
And this is, my school, is the same place when I had my time with them. In other hand, I feel like being left by an air-balloon that symbolize my friends while I was inside the bucket and I fell in to the place that we used to be together, the different is they were going somewhere to the new world.
Im too exaggerating. lol
dont care. I am a girl having sensitive feelings.
this is a poem to you friends:
Farewell is not a good fare to me
Because I dont need to be paid for a separation
I just need you to come back
Farewell is not welfare for me
Because you tend to say goodbyes
As if you dont want to meet me anymore
That is so not welfare
You even didnt throw a going-away-party
dont care
dont need it
I only need your big bear hugs
and a promise
to keep me in your mind
and meet me again
It sounds like Im being left by my bestfriends eveeerrr. hahahaha.
I have lots of friends. thats okay. World is so small anyway.
Rabu, 31 Agustus 2011
Happy Ied!
Honest, this is the most fun Ied ever lol. Idk why, probably cz I didnt celebrate Ied last year, well yeah I went to school instead, just normal usual day like nothing happened. So then I found it very pleasure today.
Taqabballahuminna wa minkum (sorry if I wrote this wrong)
I am sorry for all my mistakes. May God be with me and every single grateful person (I hope including me) every second of our lifes.
Here are some pitures :)
Me and My Big Bro-Sist
Me and my cutie cousins~ bluee. It was taken at the cemetary by the way.
With my cousins~ look at her syahrini- skirt =.=
Taqabballahuminna wa minkum (sorry if I wrote this wrong)
I am sorry for all my mistakes. May God be with me and every single grateful person (I hope including me) every second of our lifes.
Here are some pitures :)
Me and My Big Bro-Sist
Me and my cutie cousins~ bluee. It was taken at the cemetary by the way.
With my cousins~ look at her syahrini- skirt =.=
Senin, 29 Agustus 2011
another desperate post
I just finished studied math Integral Trigonometry. Ive been studying it during these couple weeks, because honestly I just cant get it. Is it because my brain just shut down all of a sudden after not dealing with hard questions for a year? Or Integral Trigonometry happens to be hard? I dont know, both could be the reasons. I still cannot get it. I keep texting my genius friend, Richard, to help me out on that. But i cant just texting him every night to answer my questions (that might be easy for him actually- but it does bother him, i believe). So what should I do?
Im trying as could as possible to figure out the answer by myself without texting him, but it turns out to my "blehh..." "zzzz" "aaaa" "grrrr" "dang it-fuck-wth-" expressions. I cannot stand it. I HATE THIS FIRST CHAPTER OF MATH. I feel so stupid. I think I never this sucked at Math. I need a private teacher who wont be tired of getting my stupid-math-questions.
I wish I could get a compliment on my perfect complement of doing any math. When is it? I dont know.
Im trying as could as possible to figure out the answer by myself without texting him, but it turns out to my "blehh..." "zzzz" "aaaa" "grrrr" "dang it-fuck-wth-" expressions. I cannot stand it. I HATE THIS FIRST CHAPTER OF MATH. I feel so stupid. I think I never this sucked at Math. I need a private teacher who wont be tired of getting my stupid-math-questions.
I wish I could get a compliment on my perfect complement of doing any math. When is it? I dont know.
Minggu, 28 Agustus 2011
oh well
Do I love being myself?
Im kinda down recently. I thought being back here would be great. I have tried some ways to be grateful of what I have and what I am. I really wanna spin back the time, I wish i couldve gone to USA in my elementary school time, so I guess I would not be like this. Because I just realized my exchange year actually brought many changes but I think its too late to upgrade and develop them. Because I had been a ZERO, if only I were a ONE or TWO, i could have been awesome. (laugh)
Let me be frank. I dont like me for right now. As my family and my friends could tell, I suck.
I have wasted my two-years of high school. No exploration, like at all. Too focus on student council and debate, made my field were only those, made me think to get into Social Thingy by the time I got to choose my major. I was passionate about International Relationship, Communication, Psychology, that kind of things. It turned out that I have quite a lot Social-Competition Certificates and yeah I was on fire to do anything in student council.
It has changed. My exchange year helped me out. I figured that I am not into social, business, communication, and..mmm..science, and I am not into Literature inspite for the fact that I like writing. So where I should be major at?
At least, my friends and families right now have been supporting me on my "passion" of Pharmacy. I say "SF ITB guys, let me in your prayers" and they apparently supporting me. I am so glad. Theyve been motivating me, mainly my Mom. Its burdening me though, but yeah thats what Im interested on right now. Why is that? Pharmacy has many job vacancies and basically its not guys-work lol. It might change though.
Back to my question. Do I love being me?
I read this book called "You Dont Know Me", and I saw this movie called "Front of the Class" they motivated me and brought me down at the same time, uh yeah they did. Cz I am jealous to people that are able to fight their weakness.
I was thinking that I was special, I was proud of me, cz of what I got and did. So then I looked up, I looked at the people above me, oh gosh they are way too smart than me. Smart at everything. I thought my 18 years-experiences would beat 14 years old girl. Not necessarily. huh.
Now Im trying to contemplate.
I realize that my blog is garbage. Spam the internet maybe. ha. I know I keep posting something like "OH No, Im no good" "Oh no, Im jealous" "Oh no, ..." It keeps repeating in other way or style of writing. The ending is always "no point". But my posts are true after all.
Im kinda down recently. I thought being back here would be great. I have tried some ways to be grateful of what I have and what I am. I really wanna spin back the time, I wish i couldve gone to USA in my elementary school time, so I guess I would not be like this. Because I just realized my exchange year actually brought many changes but I think its too late to upgrade and develop them. Because I had been a ZERO, if only I were a ONE or TWO, i could have been awesome. (laugh)
Let me be frank. I dont like me for right now. As my family and my friends could tell, I suck.
I have wasted my two-years of high school. No exploration, like at all. Too focus on student council and debate, made my field were only those, made me think to get into Social Thingy by the time I got to choose my major. I was passionate about International Relationship, Communication, Psychology, that kind of things. It turned out that I have quite a lot Social-Competition Certificates and yeah I was on fire to do anything in student council.
It has changed. My exchange year helped me out. I figured that I am not into social, business, communication, and..mmm..science, and I am not into Literature inspite for the fact that I like writing. So where I should be major at?
At least, my friends and families right now have been supporting me on my "passion" of Pharmacy. I say "SF ITB guys, let me in your prayers" and they apparently supporting me. I am so glad. Theyve been motivating me, mainly my Mom. Its burdening me though, but yeah thats what Im interested on right now. Why is that? Pharmacy has many job vacancies and basically its not guys-work lol. It might change though.
Back to my question. Do I love being me?
I read this book called "You Dont Know Me", and I saw this movie called "Front of the Class" they motivated me and brought me down at the same time, uh yeah they did. Cz I am jealous to people that are able to fight their weakness.
I was thinking that I was special, I was proud of me, cz of what I got and did. So then I looked up, I looked at the people above me, oh gosh they are way too smart than me. Smart at everything. I thought my 18 years-experiences would beat 14 years old girl. Not necessarily. huh.
Now Im trying to contemplate.
I realize that my blog is garbage. Spam the internet maybe. ha. I know I keep posting something like "OH No, Im no good" "Oh no, Im jealous" "Oh no, ..." It keeps repeating in other way or style of writing. The ending is always "no point". But my posts are true after all.
Rabu, 17 Agustus 2011
hi
just wanna say hi.
this is my first post after coming back to Indonesia.
how is it being back here?
too much to say.
this is my first post after coming back to Indonesia.
how is it being back here?
too much to say.
Rabu, 22 Juni 2011
need more time for upgrading
kok baru sekarang ya gue stressnya haha
tmn2 gue yg lain stress pulang uda dr lama mungkin, gue baru sekarang..haha (ketawa lagi)
i mean, seriously. stress yg ini beda, bukan stress krn gue bakal ninggalin tmn2 dan hostfam gue.. (well that's part of it) tp ada yg lebih dr itu.
gue uda bw hasil apa???????????????????????
tujuan awal gue kan supaya bisa lebih dewasa dan mengatur segalanya lebih baik lagi, mcm lebih disiplin, lebih smarty, lebih terorganize, gak weepy, dll (cieee risni) tp ya masa kayak belum tercapai ya masa? kayak gimana gitu...sulit dijelaskan ~~~~ i feel like ive been wasting my time~
need more time for upgrading
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like for real. need more time.
i hope i can (continue?) upgrade myself in my mother country~
love~
tmn2 gue yg lain stress pulang uda dr lama mungkin, gue baru sekarang..haha (ketawa lagi)
i mean, seriously. stress yg ini beda, bukan stress krn gue bakal ninggalin tmn2 dan hostfam gue.. (well that's part of it) tp ada yg lebih dr itu.
gue uda bw hasil apa???????????????????????
tujuan awal gue kan supaya bisa lebih dewasa dan mengatur segalanya lebih baik lagi, mcm lebih disiplin, lebih smarty, lebih terorganize, gak weepy, dll (cieee risni) tp ya masa kayak belum tercapai ya masa? kayak gimana gitu...sulit dijelaskan ~~~~ i feel like ive been wasting my time~
need more time for upgrading
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like for real. need more time.
i hope i can (continue?) upgrade myself in my mother country~
love~
Rabu, 25 Mei 2011
Minggu, 22 Mei 2011
if only i had that courage
bleeeh. i need more times. i still cannot find my passions. get a life girl.
my mom keeps offering me to go to college here in Houston, and she'll let me stay in her house, which is very nice of her. but i dont think i'll survive hha.
my mom was very upset hearing that Ricky (her student last year from Indonesia as well) hasnt gotten accepted in any college yet. she said "What is wrong with colleges there Risni?? Ricky is a good person, he has passion, he's smart, what in the world that colleges didnt accept him? He's better apply scholarship to University of Houston, he can live with me..blablabla"
oh well.
anyway, 2 days ago i went to Austin with my clusters group. One of the thing that we visited was University of Texas in Austin which is the 2nd largest University around the Nation after Ohio State. We did college tour and i loved that university. The tour girl told us some weird stuffs for instance UT has class of History of Taco. I never expected that, seriously i mean they hate American History so they take History of Taco they learn Tacos for a full semester and they get credits for that. haha
but yeah i loved UT. its big, neat, many facilities, ad the tour girl said that it had many scholarship opportunities. my mom asked that girl about how International student could get in there, and she literally was looking at me. she ..yeah..give something like you know..that "courage" to put me there. i wish i wanted. well..honestly, i want it. but idk, i dont think i'll survive.
the thing is i dont wanna live in US for another years. go to college here means i live here for a while. it sounds like im pretty sure i'll get accepted haha. well, IF..u know, IF, just IF, just If God let me stay here for college, idk. my point is i prefer live in Indonesia than in US. <3
the other thing my mom keeps asking about is my passion. and yeah she helps me out, she told me about doctor, nursing, social working, teacher, every single profession that she thought i would interested at, it just so happen if me n my mom hear somebody says a word "passion" our eyes would meet ha. until one day..the same question she usually throws "so, did u find ur passion?" i said "probably i go with Pharmacy" and she cheered "finally Risni!!" oh well. but i said then "probably not".
anywayssss, im still kinda blur of passions i would ended up. being here is not helping me that much haha. somehow people around me tumbling me down. their confident, their smartness, their courage, their creativities, i wish i had all of those. smart people are surrounding me like crazy, as if they didnt let me to break a door toward hope~haha. im still stuck after all. for right now, my dream to make people i love proud of me, hasnt come true.
if only i had all people's courages. if only i were a Morpheus, making people falling asleep whenever they pass me and i'll suck all their courages into me. haha. no sense at all. at least im kinda sophisticated recently. lie. fail.
my mom keeps offering me to go to college here in Houston, and she'll let me stay in her house, which is very nice of her. but i dont think i'll survive hha.
my mom was very upset hearing that Ricky (her student last year from Indonesia as well) hasnt gotten accepted in any college yet. she said "What is wrong with colleges there Risni?? Ricky is a good person, he has passion, he's smart, what in the world that colleges didnt accept him? He's better apply scholarship to University of Houston, he can live with me..blablabla"
oh well.
anyway, 2 days ago i went to Austin with my clusters group. One of the thing that we visited was University of Texas in Austin which is the 2nd largest University around the Nation after Ohio State. We did college tour and i loved that university. The tour girl told us some weird stuffs for instance UT has class of History of Taco. I never expected that, seriously i mean they hate American History so they take History of Taco they learn Tacos for a full semester and they get credits for that. haha
but yeah i loved UT. its big, neat, many facilities, ad the tour girl said that it had many scholarship opportunities. my mom asked that girl about how International student could get in there, and she literally was looking at me. she ..yeah..give something like you know..that "courage" to put me there. i wish i wanted. well..honestly, i want it. but idk, i dont think i'll survive.
the thing is i dont wanna live in US for another years. go to college here means i live here for a while. it sounds like im pretty sure i'll get accepted haha. well, IF..u know, IF, just IF, just If God let me stay here for college, idk. my point is i prefer live in Indonesia than in US. <3
the other thing my mom keeps asking about is my passion. and yeah she helps me out, she told me about doctor, nursing, social working, teacher, every single profession that she thought i would interested at, it just so happen if me n my mom hear somebody says a word "passion" our eyes would meet ha. until one day..the same question she usually throws "so, did u find ur passion?" i said "probably i go with Pharmacy" and she cheered "finally Risni!!" oh well. but i said then "probably not".
anywayssss, im still kinda blur of passions i would ended up. being here is not helping me that much haha. somehow people around me tumbling me down. their confident, their smartness, their courage, their creativities, i wish i had all of those. smart people are surrounding me like crazy, as if they didnt let me to break a door toward hope~haha. im still stuck after all. for right now, my dream to make people i love proud of me, hasnt come true.
if only i had all people's courages. if only i were a Morpheus, making people falling asleep whenever they pass me and i'll suck all their courages into me. haha. no sense at all. at least im kinda sophisticated recently. lie. fail.
Sabtu, 14 Mei 2011
u dont know what WE have experienced, i dont blame ya if u dont wanna know our stories :)
i didnt realize that much that i was an exchange student.
now i do. being an exchange student is a blessing.
'tasting' how its like to go to school in another country is a blessing.
'tasting' how its like to live with another family is a blessing.
it is not
"went to United States is the best experience ever"
it is
"became an exchange student is the best experience ever"
i would love to be an exchange student again in another country...doesnt matter what country it would :) but well i'll be senior this year..so..u know.. =.=
now i do. being an exchange student is a blessing.
'tasting' how its like to go to school in another country is a blessing.
'tasting' how its like to live with another family is a blessing.
it is not
"went to United States is the best experience ever"
it is
"became an exchange student is the best experience ever"
i would love to be an exchange student again in another country...doesnt matter what country it would :) but well i'll be senior this year..so..u know.. =.=
Minggu, 01 Mei 2011
dont act like a tourist
i was in pre-departure orientation, and this girl, from Norway, gosh i just looovvveee her thoughts, said "dont act like a tourist"
she said, "you know, some people kinda like showing off to their friends back home. but actually, we're not tourists, we're exchange students"
love it love it love it. she was my room mate for 3 days in this activity from AFS in San Anotnio. i just like her. in some points, the way she talks to people kinda like 'obvious' and 'direct' make people offended, but ive learned that Norway culture somehow like that. i dont care, i know her intentions are good. haha :)
other point.
ive learned in the orientation, that "not our friends in our country would get excited to hear our story in US, cz they werent the exchange student, but us, who felt it" so, ive learned, when i come back, im not gonna expect too much for a 'welcome behavior' that my friends and family would come up with, what i care is, i bring 'something' for myself, and for whoever who wanna have a talk with me, my open heart, i'd love to tell my stories :)
cz im an exchange student and i love for being an exchange student.
love~
she said, "you know, some people kinda like showing off to their friends back home. but actually, we're not tourists, we're exchange students"
love it love it love it. she was my room mate for 3 days in this activity from AFS in San Anotnio. i just like her. in some points, the way she talks to people kinda like 'obvious' and 'direct' make people offended, but ive learned that Norway culture somehow like that. i dont care, i know her intentions are good. haha :)
other point.
ive learned in the orientation, that "not our friends in our country would get excited to hear our story in US, cz they werent the exchange student, but us, who felt it" so, ive learned, when i come back, im not gonna expect too much for a 'welcome behavior' that my friends and family would come up with, what i care is, i bring 'something' for myself, and for whoever who wanna have a talk with me, my open heart, i'd love to tell my stories :)
cz im an exchange student and i love for being an exchange student.
love~
Kamis, 28 April 2011
"scarf human" (krik)
i just noticed it. that being a "scarf human" (read: obvious-Muslim) here not that bad but not that going-well.
im in Texas..so immigrants are mm..u know.. everywhere (im not only talking about Hispanic, i mean like..immigrant-ssss)n i guess Southern US got more immigrants.
So..in my school itself, we have quite many middle-eastern-er, so guess what??? You're right!we got some Muslims here. and there are like 5 "scarf-humans" including me in school, if im not mistaken. I WAS SO HAPPY knowing that. but no longer happy right now. cz i dont really get along with them,dk why.
my point is, it just so happen that Americans in Texas, especially in Houston, get used to see scarf-humans around. thats the good thing.
but still.
something like people-expectation-about-muslims(scarf-human)-are-conservative-in-the-way-of-their-life (im not sayin that it is a stereotype, cz 'conservative' in their point of view is like "covered,and much limitations of freedom" which is true)are happening.
people keep asking me about my have-to-ness (maksa gila) in wearing my scarf, long pants, n long sleeve (hijab). i say "yes i do".
that limitation of clothing, honestly, start bothering me (im honest, okay). i feel weird when im in a PARTY and start to dance in the disco lightspot (ahaaa) which i never and wont do it. i feel awkward whenever i have a kind of performing that require something short, a tank top, cocktail dress, etc -which i will do soon for choir performance- and i'd be the only one that covered, like covered, all the way all over my body except my face. and people's eyes start to say "uuww look at that". well well well i know it probably only my (-)feeling and (-)thinking.. but i AM think-ING about it haha. something different is the first thing that get attracted by eyes, rite? (probably not, if that 'differentthing' is ME haha)
but alhamdulillah...my faith still tight me, eventhough just a small hug, not a big embrace, but at least, im not really outside the line, im "Waiting Inside the Line"..im not a girl that "Party in the USA" then Shalat in Indonesia..i know i feel "Half Alive" cz im not full-devout-muslim, but at least, im still be able to "Pray" and say to God that "Im Yours", guide me, dont put me outside Your line.
PS. maksa bgt gue nyambungin kalimat pake lagu
Insya Allah, this thing that on my head...will never taken off ;)
smile~
im in Texas..so immigrants are mm..u know.. everywhere (im not only talking about Hispanic, i mean like..immigrant-ssss)n i guess Southern US got more immigrants.
So..in my school itself, we have quite many middle-eastern-er, so guess what??? You're right!we got some Muslims here. and there are like 5 "scarf-humans" including me in school, if im not mistaken. I WAS SO HAPPY knowing that. but no longer happy right now. cz i dont really get along with them,dk why.
my point is, it just so happen that Americans in Texas, especially in Houston, get used to see scarf-humans around. thats the good thing.
but still.
something like people-expectation-about-muslims(scarf-human)-are-conservative-in-the-way-of-their-life (im not sayin that it is a stereotype, cz 'conservative' in their point of view is like "covered,and much limitations of freedom" which is true)are happening.
people keep asking me about my have-to-ness (maksa gila) in wearing my scarf, long pants, n long sleeve (hijab). i say "yes i do".
that limitation of clothing, honestly, start bothering me (im honest, okay). i feel weird when im in a PARTY and start to dance in the disco lightspot (ahaaa) which i never and wont do it. i feel awkward whenever i have a kind of performing that require something short, a tank top, cocktail dress, etc -which i will do soon for choir performance- and i'd be the only one that covered, like covered, all the way all over my body except my face. and people's eyes start to say "uuww look at that". well well well i know it probably only my (-)feeling and (-)thinking.. but i AM think-ING about it haha. something different is the first thing that get attracted by eyes, rite? (probably not, if that 'differentthing' is ME haha)
but alhamdulillah...my faith still tight me, eventhough just a small hug, not a big embrace, but at least, im not really outside the line, im "Waiting Inside the Line"..im not a girl that "Party in the USA" then Shalat in Indonesia..i know i feel "Half Alive" cz im not full-devout-muslim, but at least, im still be able to "Pray" and say to God that "Im Yours", guide me, dont put me outside Your line.
PS. maksa bgt gue nyambungin kalimat pake lagu
Insya Allah, this thing that on my head...will never taken off ;)
smile~
Kamis, 21 April 2011
what's up
what's up guys.
happy earth day. it was fun.
happy easter.
good friday.
3 days weekend. fun. fun. fun
i dance!
i love playing guitar <3
bye.
i love everyone.
happy earth day. it was fun.
happy easter.
good friday.
3 days weekend. fun. fun. fun
i dance!
i love playing guitar <3
bye.
i love everyone.
Minggu, 10 April 2011
Cerita
Gue baru balik dari conference namanya BUBW conference, stands for Better Understand for Better World kalo gak salah he. From April 6-10 in Baltimore, MD. Gue kira nih conference bakal kayak diskusi soal leadership, open minded dkk. Bener sih...tp yg gak gue kira adalah soal diskusi Interfaith yg justru malah ditekankan di conference ini.
Ada 32 Negara di conference ini. (Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Ukraine, German, Paletine, Israel, Russia, US, Pakistan, Kirgystan, Kazakztan, --tan dkk, mls ngetik 32 negara haha)
Kita semua exchange student program scholarship dr YES, FLEX, and CB(kecuali satu org student American kyk observer gitu deh) itu masing2 negara adalah dominannya Muslim (but not necessarily).
Hari pertama cuma ngobrol, getting know each other.
Hari kedua, diskusi soal permasalahan dunia.
Org2 Pakistan ngomong soal stereotyped org2 dunia ttg org Taliban, mereka cerita ini-itu soal Taliban yg sebenernya gak gitu gue ngerti (hehe), yg gue baca dr buku Three Cups of Tea (baca deh), Taliban itu terkesan jelek bgt, musuh, jahat, dan other bad-words. dan org Pakistan di conference ini mengiyakan. Kalo gak salah (kalo gak salah), ada satu anak yg bilang dia gak anggap org Taliban itu Pakistani, mereka itu uneducated, ga bisa baca, jahat, bikin rusuh and perang dll. Gue lupa mereka ngomong apa. -.-
Org Palestine, mereka cerita soal kesusahan hidup mereka disana. Soal kebencian mereka sm political Jewish gov di Israel. There was 2 Girls from Israel, tp mereka bilang mereka Palestinian, semenjak kejadian Promise Land mereka dptnya tinggal di Israel. gue baca kaos yg dia pake, tulisannya (versi Indo) "Usir Org2 Yahudi dr Palestina" ya that kind of stuff lha. Jadi Palestinian yg tinggal di Israel ini pun cerita soal kesusahan mereka tinggal di Israel sbg Arabs (mereka cerita di presentasi), soal diskriminasi antara Jewish dan Arabs, that kind of thing, mereka bilang "I dont hate Jewish people, i have many Jewish friends in school, i just hate the political things of Jewish Government etc etc..."
Dr negara2 kayak Liberia, Egypt, Tunisia, mereka cerita soal overthrowing and revolution yg terjadi disana..tau kan yah..
Dr negara Kuwait, Ukraina, termasuk Indonesia kita sih bilang damai2 aja negara...haha. walaupun gue sempet mw angkat tangan cerita soal kejadian di Poso, tp gak jadi haha.
Di hari ini, gue baru sadar, ternyata MASIH BANYAK lagi hal2 yg gak gue tau...hahahahaha (kok ketawa? -.-") gue sdar bgt waktu diskusi di hari ini, gue ngantuk, bosen, mana tmn2 di meja gue berisik bikin pgn lempar sendal, tp di satu sisi hati gue yg baik (ciee) gue bnr2 ngerasa, "jd selama ini gue ngapain aja sih gamau explore dunia...dunia dr agama sendiri, saudara sendiri...he"
Terus habis ini kita presentasi soal gmn caranya buat bikin Better World. awalnya gue dengerin..org2 dengerin..lama2 boseennn...sampe kita (termasuk gue) ngobrol...berisik deh. Tiba2 di tgh presentasi si cewek american berdiri n ngomong yg intinya "Guys..we were talking about everything that happen around the world, now we are talking about how to make a better world, we have to respect each other, listen to everyone who speaking, i know we're exhausted..but please..we're talking about a better world..bla bla bla." gue yg lagi ketawa main games sm tmn gue langsung "krik" seketika..jd merasa bersalah~~~ akhirnya gue dengerin tuh presentasi sampe akhir..he
Hari k3
Kita mengunjungi Ukraine Orthodox Church, Synagogue, and Mosque. Kind of fun and interesting krn pertama kalinya gue masuk Synagogue which is Tempat Ibadahnya org Yahudi. Di tiap tmpat kita ngomongin soal agama msg2 kayak apa..walaupun gue gak gitu masuk ke otak krn ngantuk bgt (peace) tp ada lha hal2 yg gue tangkap dan it was pretty interesting. Di masjid, 3 org dr Islam, Jewish, n Christian ngomong soal kisah hidup mereka dan gimn caranya respect antar-agama that kind of thing.
Hari k4
Pretty much kita jalan2. Sightseeing ke Museum n Aquarium n liat harbor dan sekitar baltimore..yeah..it was fun.
Malamnya ada Banquet, kayak Gala Dinner sama certificat ceremony gitu lha..Indonesian tampil HAHA. Naufal n Ambi dance dr bali n Jawa..abis itu kita b4 (sm Sarah) nyanyi n dance2 dikit lagu Rame-rame. haha gak usah tau kayak apa deh xD
Hari k5
Pulang
Okay.
ini cuma brief story aja.
Hal yg gue suka dr conference ini adalah yg buat gue setidaknya sadar betapa pentingnya tau soal apa yg terjadi dunia buat care an awareness kita antarsesama. soal open minded and stereotyped discussion sih udah jd makanan anak2 exchange student. tp di conference ini lebih dibawa ke open minded soal interfaith yg buat gue ber-ooo-ria dan ber-hmmmm-ria dan ber-apa-sih-nih-orang-ria liat org2 di sekeliling gue.
Roommate gue, 2 org African Muslim dan satu Russian Orthodox yg dia bilang dia percaya Islam, dia punya cincin bertuliskan Bismillah dr neneknya buat terhindar dr marabahaya katanya, tp dia gak practice, bilangnya sih Orthodox..gatau deh haha. udah biasa sih liat org2 di US yg Atheis atau Agnostic atau punya agama tp mereka bilang "i dont practice". dan udah biasa liat remaja2 "ga respect" di US krn culture mrk yg suka "berontak" (jgn salah paham apa yg gue kasih tanda kutip). tp gue gak biasa liat exchange students yg super gak respect. ternyata di conference ini banyak yg gak respect, itu keselnya gue. di hari k2 gue bangga bgt sm org disitu, yg mau share soal interfaith and open minded thingy, speak in front of people dg english yg super bagus.. (beda bgt sm waktu orie, progress mereka keren euy), tapi ada some people, yg mereka ngomong, share, pikirannya dewasa pas ngomong, tapi ternyata gak respect sm older people. disuru diaamm susahnya minta ampun..ganggu gue tidur lagi di bus (lho), disuru ini malah itu...zzzz sampe ada chaperone yg teriak di bus "kalian itu scholar student, kalian harusnya behave good, gak kayak gini!" ternyata di lawan sm some people "kita mw having fun, emg ga boleh scholar student having fun?!"...gila gue kesel bgt pas itu...okay lo boleh having fun..tp kita punya rules yaaaa.. (maaf kalo keliatannya gue sok nurut, tp gue kasian sm organizernya.....jd organizer asli itu cuma 2 org, Imam arafat sm istrinya Kim, mereka itu capek, i can tell..bahkan yg ngurus dr konsumsi, dokumentasi, sampe acara itu aslinya cuma mereka..dibantu sama beberapa chaperon, liat Imam Arafat ngatur kita, they shoulve respected him!) malah berisik dan susah diatur..zzz. gue jadi merasa bersalah sm guru2 yg kadang gue sering gak dengerin klo lg ngomong..maaaffff... (tiba2 nyambung kesini ya haha))
btw, Imam n istrinya tuh so sweet bgt lho.. hehe (gak penting)
udah deh mw ngerjain PR. 3 hari gak sekolah byk make ups #nangis #ga penting
oh well. intinya...tau kan. Better Understanding for Better World. Respect each other and be open minded (maaf pasaran). dan jgn jd org "yg ngomong tak bunyi, yg laku tak gerak" --> kt2 tmn kakak gue (mudah2an gue dan kita semua termasuk org2 baik. amin)
Putuuu
Ada 32 Negara di conference ini. (Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Ukraine, German, Paletine, Israel, Russia, US, Pakistan, Kirgystan, Kazakztan, --tan dkk, mls ngetik 32 negara haha)
Kita semua exchange student program scholarship dr YES, FLEX, and CB(kecuali satu org student American kyk observer gitu deh) itu masing2 negara adalah dominannya Muslim (but not necessarily).
Hari pertama cuma ngobrol, getting know each other.
Hari kedua, diskusi soal permasalahan dunia.
Org2 Pakistan ngomong soal stereotyped org2 dunia ttg org Taliban, mereka cerita ini-itu soal Taliban yg sebenernya gak gitu gue ngerti (hehe), yg gue baca dr buku Three Cups of Tea (baca deh), Taliban itu terkesan jelek bgt, musuh, jahat, dan other bad-words. dan org Pakistan di conference ini mengiyakan. Kalo gak salah (kalo gak salah), ada satu anak yg bilang dia gak anggap org Taliban itu Pakistani, mereka itu uneducated, ga bisa baca, jahat, bikin rusuh and perang dll. Gue lupa mereka ngomong apa. -.-
Org Palestine, mereka cerita soal kesusahan hidup mereka disana. Soal kebencian mereka sm political Jewish gov di Israel. There was 2 Girls from Israel, tp mereka bilang mereka Palestinian, semenjak kejadian Promise Land mereka dptnya tinggal di Israel. gue baca kaos yg dia pake, tulisannya (versi Indo) "Usir Org2 Yahudi dr Palestina" ya that kind of stuff lha. Jadi Palestinian yg tinggal di Israel ini pun cerita soal kesusahan mereka tinggal di Israel sbg Arabs (mereka cerita di presentasi), soal diskriminasi antara Jewish dan Arabs, that kind of thing, mereka bilang "I dont hate Jewish people, i have many Jewish friends in school, i just hate the political things of Jewish Government etc etc..."
Dr negara2 kayak Liberia, Egypt, Tunisia, mereka cerita soal overthrowing and revolution yg terjadi disana..tau kan yah..
Dr negara Kuwait, Ukraina, termasuk Indonesia kita sih bilang damai2 aja negara...haha. walaupun gue sempet mw angkat tangan cerita soal kejadian di Poso, tp gak jadi haha.
Di hari ini, gue baru sadar, ternyata MASIH BANYAK lagi hal2 yg gak gue tau...hahahahaha (kok ketawa? -.-") gue sdar bgt waktu diskusi di hari ini, gue ngantuk, bosen, mana tmn2 di meja gue berisik bikin pgn lempar sendal, tp di satu sisi hati gue yg baik (ciee) gue bnr2 ngerasa, "jd selama ini gue ngapain aja sih gamau explore dunia...dunia dr agama sendiri, saudara sendiri...he"
Terus habis ini kita presentasi soal gmn caranya buat bikin Better World. awalnya gue dengerin..org2 dengerin..lama2 boseennn...sampe kita (termasuk gue) ngobrol...berisik deh. Tiba2 di tgh presentasi si cewek american berdiri n ngomong yg intinya "Guys..we were talking about everything that happen around the world, now we are talking about how to make a better world, we have to respect each other, listen to everyone who speaking, i know we're exhausted..but please..we're talking about a better world..bla bla bla." gue yg lagi ketawa main games sm tmn gue langsung "krik" seketika..jd merasa bersalah~~~ akhirnya gue dengerin tuh presentasi sampe akhir..he
Hari k3
Kita mengunjungi Ukraine Orthodox Church, Synagogue, and Mosque. Kind of fun and interesting krn pertama kalinya gue masuk Synagogue which is Tempat Ibadahnya org Yahudi. Di tiap tmpat kita ngomongin soal agama msg2 kayak apa..walaupun gue gak gitu masuk ke otak krn ngantuk bgt (peace) tp ada lha hal2 yg gue tangkap dan it was pretty interesting. Di masjid, 3 org dr Islam, Jewish, n Christian ngomong soal kisah hidup mereka dan gimn caranya respect antar-agama that kind of thing.
Hari k4
Pretty much kita jalan2. Sightseeing ke Museum n Aquarium n liat harbor dan sekitar baltimore..yeah..it was fun.
Malamnya ada Banquet, kayak Gala Dinner sama certificat ceremony gitu lha..Indonesian tampil HAHA. Naufal n Ambi dance dr bali n Jawa..abis itu kita b4 (sm Sarah) nyanyi n dance2 dikit lagu Rame-rame. haha gak usah tau kayak apa deh xD
Hari k5
Pulang
Okay.
ini cuma brief story aja.
Hal yg gue suka dr conference ini adalah yg buat gue setidaknya sadar betapa pentingnya tau soal apa yg terjadi dunia buat care an awareness kita antarsesama. soal open minded and stereotyped discussion sih udah jd makanan anak2 exchange student. tp di conference ini lebih dibawa ke open minded soal interfaith yg buat gue ber-ooo-ria dan ber-hmmmm-ria dan ber-apa-sih-nih-orang-ria liat org2 di sekeliling gue.
Roommate gue, 2 org African Muslim dan satu Russian Orthodox yg dia bilang dia percaya Islam, dia punya cincin bertuliskan Bismillah dr neneknya buat terhindar dr marabahaya katanya, tp dia gak practice, bilangnya sih Orthodox..gatau deh haha. udah biasa sih liat org2 di US yg Atheis atau Agnostic atau punya agama tp mereka bilang "i dont practice". dan udah biasa liat remaja2 "ga respect" di US krn culture mrk yg suka "berontak" (jgn salah paham apa yg gue kasih tanda kutip). tp gue gak biasa liat exchange students yg super gak respect. ternyata di conference ini banyak yg gak respect, itu keselnya gue. di hari k2 gue bangga bgt sm org disitu, yg mau share soal interfaith and open minded thingy, speak in front of people dg english yg super bagus.. (beda bgt sm waktu orie, progress mereka keren euy), tapi ada some people, yg mereka ngomong, share, pikirannya dewasa pas ngomong, tapi ternyata gak respect sm older people. disuru diaamm susahnya minta ampun..ganggu gue tidur lagi di bus (lho), disuru ini malah itu...zzzz sampe ada chaperone yg teriak di bus "kalian itu scholar student, kalian harusnya behave good, gak kayak gini!" ternyata di lawan sm some people "kita mw having fun, emg ga boleh scholar student having fun?!"...gila gue kesel bgt pas itu...okay lo boleh having fun..tp kita punya rules yaaaa.. (maaf kalo keliatannya gue sok nurut, tp gue kasian sm organizernya.....jd organizer asli itu cuma 2 org, Imam arafat sm istrinya Kim, mereka itu capek, i can tell..bahkan yg ngurus dr konsumsi, dokumentasi, sampe acara itu aslinya cuma mereka..dibantu sama beberapa chaperon, liat Imam Arafat ngatur kita, they shoulve respected him!) malah berisik dan susah diatur..zzz. gue jadi merasa bersalah sm guru2 yg kadang gue sering gak dengerin klo lg ngomong..maaaffff... (tiba2 nyambung kesini ya haha))
btw, Imam n istrinya tuh so sweet bgt lho.. hehe (gak penting)
udah deh mw ngerjain PR. 3 hari gak sekolah byk make ups #nangis #ga penting
oh well. intinya...tau kan. Better Understanding for Better World. Respect each other and be open minded (maaf pasaran). dan jgn jd org "yg ngomong tak bunyi, yg laku tak gerak" --> kt2 tmn kakak gue (mudah2an gue dan kita semua termasuk org2 baik. amin)
Putuuu
Selasa, 05 April 2011
okay okay I got it
okay i got it! i know i cant do everything i want here. I know some events would rush each other, in the same date, in the same time, like, really, precisely.
im not happy rite now (who care). i wanna go to BISA fest n Japanese Fest..........and too bad to say...Baltimore BUBW Conference ruins it. Ive been waiting for those fests since i got to BHS. They're not that BIG like really BIG events, i knooww they're not. But i mean, i'd been waiting for them, come on........aaaa *beterusuhgue*
I'll be so mad if that conference wouldnt be fun. but well..i bet its gonna be fun. but still......really n trully.....i wanna be involved on those festivals.
okay okay i got it. that kind of festival, i could do it in Indonesia (those are common culture festivals anyway), no big deal, oh no wait..big deal for me..cz id been waiting for them zzzzzz
sometimes, things that ive been waiting for, other things would come up and ruin everything that ive planned. suck. ah one more thing, i wouldnt get to have a choir trip, cz this conference also ruin it. well, im not really wanna go for this thing actually, but im thinking about it now cz this conference really just ruin everything.zzz. but okay okay i got it. BUBW would be so much fun.
okay okay i got it. things arent gonna go smoothly like what we want. i got it.
im not happy rite now (who care). i wanna go to BISA fest n Japanese Fest..........and too bad to say...Baltimore BUBW Conference ruins it. Ive been waiting for those fests since i got to BHS. They're not that BIG like really BIG events, i knooww they're not. But i mean, i'd been waiting for them, come on........aaaa *beterusuhgue*
I'll be so mad if that conference wouldnt be fun. but well..i bet its gonna be fun. but still......really n trully.....i wanna be involved on those festivals.
okay okay i got it. that kind of festival, i could do it in Indonesia (those are common culture festivals anyway), no big deal, oh no wait..big deal for me..cz id been waiting for them zzzzzz
sometimes, things that ive been waiting for, other things would come up and ruin everything that ive planned. suck. ah one more thing, i wouldnt get to have a choir trip, cz this conference also ruin it. well, im not really wanna go for this thing actually, but im thinking about it now cz this conference really just ruin everything.zzz. but okay okay i got it. BUBW would be so much fun.
okay okay i got it. things arent gonna go smoothly like what we want. i got it.
Sabtu, 02 April 2011
TIME CAPSULE
-after i read this over again, I know this sounds silly. But this note, really, for all my friends, who once shared their stories even their private family story.. i was so sad i couldnt help yall even said a thing cz i didnt know what to say and how to help. hopefully for everyone who read this, their prays are for you too fellas^^-
Danau Situ, Oktober 2020
Gina mengambil kertas secara acak, membuka satu persatu kertas berwarna biru.
Senja di Danau Situ, Oktober 2010
Ini Gina.
Sahabat:
Sebuah dorongan saat kita berhenti, sebuah kata saat kita sepi,sebuah tuntunan saat kita mencari, sebuah senyum saat kita sedih, sebuah lagu saat kita senang, seseorang yang memberi kita seluruh kebebasan, tapi menuntut kita jadi diri sendiri. (unknown-red)
“Rey!”
Teriakan itu terus menggelitik persendianku. Ligamenku terasa kaku, sulit menggerakkan kaki, tangan, dan seluruh bagian tubuhku. Otot bisep yang seharusnya relaksasi tetap melawan sifat alaminya. Tumbuhan seperti menyerap oksigen, tilakoid pada stomata seketika mati tergantikan stroma-stroma yang entah kenapa tidak berjalan sesuai fungsinya.
“Hu..hu..hu…”
Dingin. Syarafku seolah membeku. Sel otot jantung seolah lari dari peraduannya, sel motorik memaksaku tak menangkap apapun, stimuli terakhir yang kuterima, air. Dan cahaya menyilaukan mataku, kuraih genggaman tangan seseorang, mengajakku menuju pintu cahaya.
***
Danau Situ, Januari 2009
Ini Rey. Tempat yang Indah. Perahu memijit si danau tua. Aku tersenyum gembira.
“Waaaahh!! Bagus banget Rey!”
“Gimana? Dah baikan?”
“Hmmff (tersenyum) kamu gak salah ngajak aku ke tempat ini Rey. Huft… mungkin aku bakal sering kesini, aku pasti bakal lupa sama semua masalahku! Karena tempat ini! Thanks Rey, kamu emang sahabatku!”
Hal yang paling membuatku senang. Membuat Gina tersenyum. Aku akan sangat senang melihat dia datang tersenyum, memelukku, dan membisikkan satu kata…sebuah kata mutiara, sebuah kata yang jarang sekali keluar dari mulut Gina, dan kata itu hanya berani ia ucapkan padaku.
“Terima kasih…”
Kupu-kupu hendak menyapa pagi yang indah ini, menemani kami menikmati pemandangan yang Tuhan berikan. Ia berhenti di haltenya, memulai melaksanakan kegiatan rutinnya. Menjajakan kebaikan demi kebaikan, membuat bunga-bunga di tempat ini bermekaran dengan indah. Aku yakin, jika aku mampu berbahasa bunga, aku pasti sedang mendengar bunga-bunga itu mengucapkan terima kasih pada sang kupu-kupu.
Tuhan, alangkah senangnya jika orang disampingku ini seperti bunga-bunga itu. Mengucapkan kata mutiara yang indah. Memberikan senyumnya kepada setiap orang yang berpapasan dengannya. Memberikan lambaian tangan, sejuta pelukan, dan banyak genggaman, mengajak mereka bernyanyi, menari, dan bermain bersama.
“Gin..”
“Ya..Rey?”
“Kamu tahu… kadang manusia tidak pernah bersyukur diciptakan oleh-Nya.”
“Ya…”
“Kadang manusia tidak mau tahu buat apa ia hidup.”
“Iya…”
“Kadang…” berhenti sejenak. Aku berpikir.
“Ya?” Gina menoleh ke arahku, aku memandangnya.
“Kadang manusia egois!” Aku setengah berteriak. Salah. Bukan itu yang ingin aku ucapkan. Kenapa yang keluar itu?
“Hmmmff..” Lagi-lagi Gina hanya tersenyum. Sudahlah.
***
Januari, 2008
Ini Gina T.T
Aku sering berantem sama mama! Mama gak pernah ngertiin aku. Aku mau mati! Biar ketemu papa!
Tapi aku bertemu dia! Tuhan… tidak ada yang seberuntung diriku.^^
“Gina mau pergi aja! Gak betah di rumah!” Gina menangis. Menangis sejadi-jadinya. Membanting apa saja yang ada di depan matanya.
“Silahkan! Kamu mau pergi kemana hah? Memang kamu punya teman? Siapa!? Siapa? Coba tunjukkan sama mama!”
“Hu..hu..hu..”
“Siapa? Ayo bilang sama mama! Kamu punya teman, hah? Mau kabur kemana? Mau kamu jadi gelandangan?”
Kepala Gina pusing, limbung, ia jatuh.
“Gina…sayang, mama minta maaf…hu..hu..hu” Aku memerhatikan kejadian itu lewat tempatku duduk, seorang Ibu menangis di depan seorang gadis yang seumuran denganku, gadis yang cantik. Aku penasaran dengan apa yang terjadi. Tapi aku tahu, tidak baik untuk saat ini menanyakan macam-macam kepada mereka yang sedang menangis.
Bau rumah sakit menusuk hidungku. Zat-zat kimia seperti menampar udara, menusuk-nusukkan tombaknya menghancurkan senyawa oksigen menjadi butiran-butiran yang bercampur dengan unsur lain. Inilah kenapa aku bersih keras tak mau bergantian menjaga papa di rumah sakit. Sepuluh menit saja aku berada di rumah sakit, mulut lambungku seperti mengekam campuran biuret dan cairan Fehling. Mual.
“Gina mau ketemu papa…” pelan dengan isak tangis.
Papa? Tiba-tiba hati ini terenyuh. Seketika aku perhatikan wajah pucat papa di atas ranjang. Air mataku keluar. Pa.. aku minta maaf, aku ikhlas jaga papa..
Seperti kilat yang menyambar. Kalimat itu..kalimat yang diucapkan seorang gadis itu mengalahkan Aa Gym yang memberikan siraman ruhani dengan tema “Kasih Sayang Orang Tua”, kalimat itu mengalahkan ustadz ngajiku yang setiap hari memberikan bekal nasihat akan pentingnya mendoakan orang tua, kalimat itu … membuatku menangis. Bau rumah sakit seketika tergantikan dengan wangi yang lembut. Aku tersenyum …
“Hai..” Aku mencoba melontarkan kata itu. Tegas namun berhati-berhati. Yang disapa justru membuang muka. Sakit memang .. tapi biarlah, aku tak tahu apa yang terjadi dengannya. Mungkin ia mengalami trauma, sakit hati, atau apalah.
Hari berikutnya, aku mencoba lagi menyapa gadis yang satu kamar dengan papaku itu. Semenjak kalimat yang keluar dari mulutnya, aku tak perlu ditawari lagi oleh mama untuk menjaga papa. Dengan senang hati, setiap pulang sekolah aku berangkat dengan senyum, menengok papa. Kali ini aku tidak sekedar menyapa. Aku beranikan menghampiri ranjangnya –kebetulan ia sedang membaca-.
“Hei.. kamu sedang baca apa?” Aku tersenyum. Ia mengernyit, sedikit membuang muka. Namun ia memandangku setelahnya, kemudian menutup bukunya.
“Ada apa?”
“Gak ada apa-apa sih… nama kamu siapa?” Aku beranikan menanyai namanya.
“Gina.”
“Nama yang bagus…perkenalkan, aku Rey.”
”Hmm..”
Aku tak mengerti gadis di depanku ini. Cuek sekali. Baru kali ini aku menemukan orang seperti dia. Tapi aku tahu, kelak dia akan menyapaku juga. Hmmff…
***
Januari, 2010
Ini Rey!
Gina, aku sayang banget sama kamu! Aku senang kamu sudah mau tersenyum sama mereka! Gina. Satu tahun lebih aku mengenalmu. Sudah banyak kenangan bersamamu. Setelah aku mengajakmu ke Danau Situ, perlahan kamu mulai mau menyapa orang-orang. Kini temanmu bukan aku saja, banyak! Itu menurutku. Tapi…kenapa kamu sering menangis? Lihat Gin! Kamu dipercaya sebagai ketua kelas, kamu dipercaya memegang jabatan kordinator di berbagai organisasi. Teman-temanmu pun mempercayai kamu untuk menjadi ketua kelompok. Itu artinya teman-temanmu percaya! Percaya kamu pemimpin yang baik, pemimpin yang bertangung jawab, ayolah Gin…gak usah menangis lagi....
***
Danau Situ, September 2010
Ini Gina. Aku jatuh cinta, Rey! Hahaha (oh my… sangat menggelikan-red)
Iya! Ini Rey! Karena cinta, kamu jadi cuek..tapi aku senang, akhirnya kamu sadar..hihihi
“Rey!!!” Gina menyapaku dengan teriak.
“Hai.”
“Kok jawabnya ketus gitu sih?” Aku melihat bibir Gina membentuk busur dengan moncongnya ke utara. Huft.. kalau aku sudah melihat Gina cemberut, aku paling tak tega. “Aku mau ceritain Gandhi…sini deh sini…” Gandhi lagi. Huft! “Mmmm…raut muka kamu kok gitu, Rey? Kamu gak suka ya dengerin aku cerita? Aku mau minta pendapat kamu nih, Rey…”
“Gin…aku tahu…wajar kamu sedang jatuh cinta, cinta itu fitrah…tapi Gin...kamu tahu…aku sebagai teman kamu gak mengizinkan kamu suka sama Gandhi!” Ah..sudahlah! Mungkin ini saatnya aku bicarakan rasa kesalku pada Gina sebulan terakhir ini.
“Rey…kenapa?”
“Kita bertiga udah dua tahun bersahabat. Aku, kamu, dan Gandhi. Gin, aku ngerasa sendiri. Sangat sendiri. Kalau kamu lagi main sama Gandhi, kalau kamu lagi ngobrol sama Gandhi, aku kehilangan dua orang sahabatku, Gin! Aku gak ngelarang kamu buat suka sama Gandhi, asalkan kamu gak lupa sama aku.”
Cinta. Sebongkah perasaan itu datang begitu saja. Guratan senyum enggan melawan arah gradien konsentrasi hati. Angin utara akan berusaha berbalik ke selatan hanya demi memperbaiki keadaan. Reaksi kimia yang terjadi relevan dengan tingkah kita. Namun tingkah kita berbanding terbalik dengan perasaan ketika ada yang datang. Gina pun mengerti.
Senja di Danau Situ, Oktober 2010
Air di Danau Situ meninggi, habis hujan. Kedalamannya bisa mencapai 7 meter kalau begini.
Aku tak mengerti. Gina sering menangis. Dia ingin bertemu papanya, aku tahu. Tapi…bukankah salah kalau terus menangisi keadaan?
Gagal. Aku gagal mengerti keadaan. Aku ingin semuanya selesai. Semuanya! Masalah Gina sangat komplikasi. Banyak sekali –yang tidak bisa diceritakan disini-. Aku capek! Aku tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa untuknya. Aku menangis! Hanya bisa menangis.
“Aku gak pernah bisa menganggap orang-orang disekitarku sebagai teman.”
Sakit. Sakit sekali. Aku ingin menangis ketika kudengar kalimat itu dari mulutnya. Sepanjang perjalananku dengannya, aku mencoba, berusaha sekuat tenaga mengembalikan ia kepada masa sekarang, bukan untuk meratapi masa lalunya. Tapi aku mencoba biasa, tak mau terlihat sedih di depannya.
“Gin, kamu gak akan pernah bisa menganggap orang-orang di sekitar kamu sebagai teman kamu! Kalau kamu gak mau mencoba!”
“Buat apa? Percuma, Rey. Aku selalu ngerasa sepi walaupun banyak orang di sekelilingku.”
“Paradoks.”
“Ya.”
“Aku mau kamu berusaha, Gin. Kamu tahu, orang-orang di sekitar kamu menganggap kamu sebagai teman. Orang-orang di sekitar kamu bahkan mempercayai kamu sebagai pemimpin dimanapun. Kamu seharusnya sadar, mereka bakal sakit, kalau mereka tahu kamu gak pernah nganggep mereka sebagai teman kamu.”
“Aku ngerasa gak punya siapapun.”
“Jangan menangisi masa lalu. Lihat Gin. Banyak pintu-pintu di depan kamu yang terbuka, mereka tidak pernah lelah terbuka. Mereka menunggu kamu disana. Kamu tahu itu apa?”
“Apa?”
“Kesempatan, Gin.”
“Ya..dan aku salah masuk ke dalam pintu itu.”
“Karena kamu tidak berpikir terlebih dahulu. Ketika kamu berhadapan dengan pintu itu, jangan langsung masuk. Lihatlah baik-baik pintu itu, Gin. Yang harus kamu perhatikan, bukan lebar atau tidaknya pintu itu terbuka. Tapi lihatlah, apakah engselnya masih bagus? Apakah warna pintu itu masih bersih bercahaya? Dan kamu tidak perlu melihat apakah daun pintu itu bergerak sendiri atau kamu yang menggerakkannya, kamu hanya perlu lihat niat kamu. Jika sudah, masuklah Gin. Masuk ke dalamnya.”
Gina menghela nafas.
Aku menangis. Menangis sejadi-jadinya. Bukan raut muka Gina yang membuatku menangis, tapi ucapanku tadi. Aku menangis karena aku munafik. Aku berkata hal itu kepada Gina, tapi aku sendiri tak bisa melakukannya. Entahlah.
“Itu artinya, aku terlambat. Aku sudah salah memilih pintu kan Rey?”
“Yang salah tidak bisa dibiarkan.” Aku berkata sambil menahan isak tangis
“Ayo Gin, kita sama-sama intropeksi diri. Kita luruskan yang salah itu, ayo kita sama-sama perbaiki pintu itu!”
“Aku merasa tidak bisa.” Gina menimpali datar
“Ya sudah! Kita minta bantuan tukang bangunan!”
“Tukang bangunan?”
“Ya… tukang bangunan pasti tahu bagaimana cara memperbaiki pintu itu, mereka bisa membantu kita memperbaiki engsel yang sudah karatan dan hancur, mereka bisa membantu kita mengecat pintu, dan lain sebagainya!”
“Rey…”
“Ya Gina…”
“Siapa mereka?”
“Orang-orang di sekeliling kita, Gin…mereka siap membantu kita.”
Gina beranjak, mencoba mencerna kata-kataku. Ia berjalan menuju tepi danau. Jalan menuju tepi Danau Situ curam karena kami memang sedang berada di atas gundukan tanah yang tinggi. Ketika dia hendak mendekat ke danau, Gina terpeleset! Aku sontak berdiri, meraih tangan Gina dan menariknya sekuat tenaga. Sayangnya sulit! Aku terus berusaha! Sekuat tenaga! Keringatku mengucur, aku tapakkan kakiku di batu sebagai pijakan tekanan, syukurlah…Gina dapat kutarik ke atas! Tapi…
“Rey!”
Batu yang kupijak tiba-tiba terlepas dari tanahnya.
“Rey!”
Teriakan itu terus menggelitik persendianku. Ligamenku terasa kaku, sulit menggerakkan kaki, tangan, dan seluruh bagian tubuhku. Otot bisep yang seharusnya relaksasi tetap melawan sifat alaminya. Tumbuhan seperti menyerap oksigen, tilakoid pada stomata seketika mati tergantikan stroma-stroma yang entah kenapa tidak berjalan sesuai fungsinya.
Kugenggam erat tangan yang menjemputku.
***
Danau Situ, Oktober 2020
Gina melipat kembali kertas biru yang dibacanya, memasukkan kembali ke dalam kaleng baja, dan menguburnya. Setetes air mata menjadi saksi bisu akan rindunya ia pada sahabatnya.
***
Minggu, 30 Agustus 2009
Kawan, maaf…gue gak bisa ngasi apa-apa buat kalian. Mudah-mudahan kalian ngerti kenapa gue nulis ini^^… Doaku menyertai kalian .. GBU…
Danau Situ, Oktober 2020
Gina mengambil kertas secara acak, membuka satu persatu kertas berwarna biru.
Senja di Danau Situ, Oktober 2010
Ini Gina.
Sahabat:
Sebuah dorongan saat kita berhenti, sebuah kata saat kita sepi,sebuah tuntunan saat kita mencari, sebuah senyum saat kita sedih, sebuah lagu saat kita senang, seseorang yang memberi kita seluruh kebebasan, tapi menuntut kita jadi diri sendiri. (unknown-red)
“Rey!”
Teriakan itu terus menggelitik persendianku. Ligamenku terasa kaku, sulit menggerakkan kaki, tangan, dan seluruh bagian tubuhku. Otot bisep yang seharusnya relaksasi tetap melawan sifat alaminya. Tumbuhan seperti menyerap oksigen, tilakoid pada stomata seketika mati tergantikan stroma-stroma yang entah kenapa tidak berjalan sesuai fungsinya.
“Hu..hu..hu…”
Dingin. Syarafku seolah membeku. Sel otot jantung seolah lari dari peraduannya, sel motorik memaksaku tak menangkap apapun, stimuli terakhir yang kuterima, air. Dan cahaya menyilaukan mataku, kuraih genggaman tangan seseorang, mengajakku menuju pintu cahaya.
***
Danau Situ, Januari 2009
Ini Rey. Tempat yang Indah. Perahu memijit si danau tua. Aku tersenyum gembira.
“Waaaahh!! Bagus banget Rey!”
“Gimana? Dah baikan?”
“Hmmff (tersenyum) kamu gak salah ngajak aku ke tempat ini Rey. Huft… mungkin aku bakal sering kesini, aku pasti bakal lupa sama semua masalahku! Karena tempat ini! Thanks Rey, kamu emang sahabatku!”
Hal yang paling membuatku senang. Membuat Gina tersenyum. Aku akan sangat senang melihat dia datang tersenyum, memelukku, dan membisikkan satu kata…sebuah kata mutiara, sebuah kata yang jarang sekali keluar dari mulut Gina, dan kata itu hanya berani ia ucapkan padaku.
“Terima kasih…”
Kupu-kupu hendak menyapa pagi yang indah ini, menemani kami menikmati pemandangan yang Tuhan berikan. Ia berhenti di haltenya, memulai melaksanakan kegiatan rutinnya. Menjajakan kebaikan demi kebaikan, membuat bunga-bunga di tempat ini bermekaran dengan indah. Aku yakin, jika aku mampu berbahasa bunga, aku pasti sedang mendengar bunga-bunga itu mengucapkan terima kasih pada sang kupu-kupu.
Tuhan, alangkah senangnya jika orang disampingku ini seperti bunga-bunga itu. Mengucapkan kata mutiara yang indah. Memberikan senyumnya kepada setiap orang yang berpapasan dengannya. Memberikan lambaian tangan, sejuta pelukan, dan banyak genggaman, mengajak mereka bernyanyi, menari, dan bermain bersama.
“Gin..”
“Ya..Rey?”
“Kamu tahu… kadang manusia tidak pernah bersyukur diciptakan oleh-Nya.”
“Ya…”
“Kadang manusia tidak mau tahu buat apa ia hidup.”
“Iya…”
“Kadang…” berhenti sejenak. Aku berpikir.
“Ya?” Gina menoleh ke arahku, aku memandangnya.
“Kadang manusia egois!” Aku setengah berteriak. Salah. Bukan itu yang ingin aku ucapkan. Kenapa yang keluar itu?
“Hmmmff..” Lagi-lagi Gina hanya tersenyum. Sudahlah.
***
Januari, 2008
Ini Gina T.T
Aku sering berantem sama mama! Mama gak pernah ngertiin aku. Aku mau mati! Biar ketemu papa!
Tapi aku bertemu dia! Tuhan… tidak ada yang seberuntung diriku.^^
“Gina mau pergi aja! Gak betah di rumah!” Gina menangis. Menangis sejadi-jadinya. Membanting apa saja yang ada di depan matanya.
“Silahkan! Kamu mau pergi kemana hah? Memang kamu punya teman? Siapa!? Siapa? Coba tunjukkan sama mama!”
“Hu..hu..hu..”
“Siapa? Ayo bilang sama mama! Kamu punya teman, hah? Mau kabur kemana? Mau kamu jadi gelandangan?”
Kepala Gina pusing, limbung, ia jatuh.
“Gina…sayang, mama minta maaf…hu..hu..hu” Aku memerhatikan kejadian itu lewat tempatku duduk, seorang Ibu menangis di depan seorang gadis yang seumuran denganku, gadis yang cantik. Aku penasaran dengan apa yang terjadi. Tapi aku tahu, tidak baik untuk saat ini menanyakan macam-macam kepada mereka yang sedang menangis.
Bau rumah sakit menusuk hidungku. Zat-zat kimia seperti menampar udara, menusuk-nusukkan tombaknya menghancurkan senyawa oksigen menjadi butiran-butiran yang bercampur dengan unsur lain. Inilah kenapa aku bersih keras tak mau bergantian menjaga papa di rumah sakit. Sepuluh menit saja aku berada di rumah sakit, mulut lambungku seperti mengekam campuran biuret dan cairan Fehling. Mual.
“Gina mau ketemu papa…” pelan dengan isak tangis.
Papa? Tiba-tiba hati ini terenyuh. Seketika aku perhatikan wajah pucat papa di atas ranjang. Air mataku keluar. Pa.. aku minta maaf, aku ikhlas jaga papa..
Seperti kilat yang menyambar. Kalimat itu..kalimat yang diucapkan seorang gadis itu mengalahkan Aa Gym yang memberikan siraman ruhani dengan tema “Kasih Sayang Orang Tua”, kalimat itu mengalahkan ustadz ngajiku yang setiap hari memberikan bekal nasihat akan pentingnya mendoakan orang tua, kalimat itu … membuatku menangis. Bau rumah sakit seketika tergantikan dengan wangi yang lembut. Aku tersenyum …
“Hai..” Aku mencoba melontarkan kata itu. Tegas namun berhati-berhati. Yang disapa justru membuang muka. Sakit memang .. tapi biarlah, aku tak tahu apa yang terjadi dengannya. Mungkin ia mengalami trauma, sakit hati, atau apalah.
Hari berikutnya, aku mencoba lagi menyapa gadis yang satu kamar dengan papaku itu. Semenjak kalimat yang keluar dari mulutnya, aku tak perlu ditawari lagi oleh mama untuk menjaga papa. Dengan senang hati, setiap pulang sekolah aku berangkat dengan senyum, menengok papa. Kali ini aku tidak sekedar menyapa. Aku beranikan menghampiri ranjangnya –kebetulan ia sedang membaca-.
“Hei.. kamu sedang baca apa?” Aku tersenyum. Ia mengernyit, sedikit membuang muka. Namun ia memandangku setelahnya, kemudian menutup bukunya.
“Ada apa?”
“Gak ada apa-apa sih… nama kamu siapa?” Aku beranikan menanyai namanya.
“Gina.”
“Nama yang bagus…perkenalkan, aku Rey.”
”Hmm..”
Aku tak mengerti gadis di depanku ini. Cuek sekali. Baru kali ini aku menemukan orang seperti dia. Tapi aku tahu, kelak dia akan menyapaku juga. Hmmff…
***
Januari, 2010
Ini Rey!
Gina, aku sayang banget sama kamu! Aku senang kamu sudah mau tersenyum sama mereka! Gina. Satu tahun lebih aku mengenalmu. Sudah banyak kenangan bersamamu. Setelah aku mengajakmu ke Danau Situ, perlahan kamu mulai mau menyapa orang-orang. Kini temanmu bukan aku saja, banyak! Itu menurutku. Tapi…kenapa kamu sering menangis? Lihat Gin! Kamu dipercaya sebagai ketua kelas, kamu dipercaya memegang jabatan kordinator di berbagai organisasi. Teman-temanmu pun mempercayai kamu untuk menjadi ketua kelompok. Itu artinya teman-temanmu percaya! Percaya kamu pemimpin yang baik, pemimpin yang bertangung jawab, ayolah Gin…gak usah menangis lagi....
***
Danau Situ, September 2010
Ini Gina. Aku jatuh cinta, Rey! Hahaha (oh my… sangat menggelikan-red)
Iya! Ini Rey! Karena cinta, kamu jadi cuek..tapi aku senang, akhirnya kamu sadar..hihihi
“Rey!!!” Gina menyapaku dengan teriak.
“Hai.”
“Kok jawabnya ketus gitu sih?” Aku melihat bibir Gina membentuk busur dengan moncongnya ke utara. Huft.. kalau aku sudah melihat Gina cemberut, aku paling tak tega. “Aku mau ceritain Gandhi…sini deh sini…” Gandhi lagi. Huft! “Mmmm…raut muka kamu kok gitu, Rey? Kamu gak suka ya dengerin aku cerita? Aku mau minta pendapat kamu nih, Rey…”
“Gin…aku tahu…wajar kamu sedang jatuh cinta, cinta itu fitrah…tapi Gin...kamu tahu…aku sebagai teman kamu gak mengizinkan kamu suka sama Gandhi!” Ah..sudahlah! Mungkin ini saatnya aku bicarakan rasa kesalku pada Gina sebulan terakhir ini.
“Rey…kenapa?”
“Kita bertiga udah dua tahun bersahabat. Aku, kamu, dan Gandhi. Gin, aku ngerasa sendiri. Sangat sendiri. Kalau kamu lagi main sama Gandhi, kalau kamu lagi ngobrol sama Gandhi, aku kehilangan dua orang sahabatku, Gin! Aku gak ngelarang kamu buat suka sama Gandhi, asalkan kamu gak lupa sama aku.”
Cinta. Sebongkah perasaan itu datang begitu saja. Guratan senyum enggan melawan arah gradien konsentrasi hati. Angin utara akan berusaha berbalik ke selatan hanya demi memperbaiki keadaan. Reaksi kimia yang terjadi relevan dengan tingkah kita. Namun tingkah kita berbanding terbalik dengan perasaan ketika ada yang datang. Gina pun mengerti.
Senja di Danau Situ, Oktober 2010
Air di Danau Situ meninggi, habis hujan. Kedalamannya bisa mencapai 7 meter kalau begini.
Aku tak mengerti. Gina sering menangis. Dia ingin bertemu papanya, aku tahu. Tapi…bukankah salah kalau terus menangisi keadaan?
Gagal. Aku gagal mengerti keadaan. Aku ingin semuanya selesai. Semuanya! Masalah Gina sangat komplikasi. Banyak sekali –yang tidak bisa diceritakan disini-. Aku capek! Aku tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa untuknya. Aku menangis! Hanya bisa menangis.
“Aku gak pernah bisa menganggap orang-orang disekitarku sebagai teman.”
Sakit. Sakit sekali. Aku ingin menangis ketika kudengar kalimat itu dari mulutnya. Sepanjang perjalananku dengannya, aku mencoba, berusaha sekuat tenaga mengembalikan ia kepada masa sekarang, bukan untuk meratapi masa lalunya. Tapi aku mencoba biasa, tak mau terlihat sedih di depannya.
“Gin, kamu gak akan pernah bisa menganggap orang-orang di sekitar kamu sebagai teman kamu! Kalau kamu gak mau mencoba!”
“Buat apa? Percuma, Rey. Aku selalu ngerasa sepi walaupun banyak orang di sekelilingku.”
“Paradoks.”
“Ya.”
“Aku mau kamu berusaha, Gin. Kamu tahu, orang-orang di sekitar kamu menganggap kamu sebagai teman. Orang-orang di sekitar kamu bahkan mempercayai kamu sebagai pemimpin dimanapun. Kamu seharusnya sadar, mereka bakal sakit, kalau mereka tahu kamu gak pernah nganggep mereka sebagai teman kamu.”
“Aku ngerasa gak punya siapapun.”
“Jangan menangisi masa lalu. Lihat Gin. Banyak pintu-pintu di depan kamu yang terbuka, mereka tidak pernah lelah terbuka. Mereka menunggu kamu disana. Kamu tahu itu apa?”
“Apa?”
“Kesempatan, Gin.”
“Ya..dan aku salah masuk ke dalam pintu itu.”
“Karena kamu tidak berpikir terlebih dahulu. Ketika kamu berhadapan dengan pintu itu, jangan langsung masuk. Lihatlah baik-baik pintu itu, Gin. Yang harus kamu perhatikan, bukan lebar atau tidaknya pintu itu terbuka. Tapi lihatlah, apakah engselnya masih bagus? Apakah warna pintu itu masih bersih bercahaya? Dan kamu tidak perlu melihat apakah daun pintu itu bergerak sendiri atau kamu yang menggerakkannya, kamu hanya perlu lihat niat kamu. Jika sudah, masuklah Gin. Masuk ke dalamnya.”
Gina menghela nafas.
Aku menangis. Menangis sejadi-jadinya. Bukan raut muka Gina yang membuatku menangis, tapi ucapanku tadi. Aku menangis karena aku munafik. Aku berkata hal itu kepada Gina, tapi aku sendiri tak bisa melakukannya. Entahlah.
“Itu artinya, aku terlambat. Aku sudah salah memilih pintu kan Rey?”
“Yang salah tidak bisa dibiarkan.” Aku berkata sambil menahan isak tangis
“Ayo Gin, kita sama-sama intropeksi diri. Kita luruskan yang salah itu, ayo kita sama-sama perbaiki pintu itu!”
“Aku merasa tidak bisa.” Gina menimpali datar
“Ya sudah! Kita minta bantuan tukang bangunan!”
“Tukang bangunan?”
“Ya… tukang bangunan pasti tahu bagaimana cara memperbaiki pintu itu, mereka bisa membantu kita memperbaiki engsel yang sudah karatan dan hancur, mereka bisa membantu kita mengecat pintu, dan lain sebagainya!”
“Rey…”
“Ya Gina…”
“Siapa mereka?”
“Orang-orang di sekeliling kita, Gin…mereka siap membantu kita.”
Gina beranjak, mencoba mencerna kata-kataku. Ia berjalan menuju tepi danau. Jalan menuju tepi Danau Situ curam karena kami memang sedang berada di atas gundukan tanah yang tinggi. Ketika dia hendak mendekat ke danau, Gina terpeleset! Aku sontak berdiri, meraih tangan Gina dan menariknya sekuat tenaga. Sayangnya sulit! Aku terus berusaha! Sekuat tenaga! Keringatku mengucur, aku tapakkan kakiku di batu sebagai pijakan tekanan, syukurlah…Gina dapat kutarik ke atas! Tapi…
“Rey!”
Batu yang kupijak tiba-tiba terlepas dari tanahnya.
“Rey!”
Teriakan itu terus menggelitik persendianku. Ligamenku terasa kaku, sulit menggerakkan kaki, tangan, dan seluruh bagian tubuhku. Otot bisep yang seharusnya relaksasi tetap melawan sifat alaminya. Tumbuhan seperti menyerap oksigen, tilakoid pada stomata seketika mati tergantikan stroma-stroma yang entah kenapa tidak berjalan sesuai fungsinya.
Kugenggam erat tangan yang menjemputku.
***
Danau Situ, Oktober 2020
Gina melipat kembali kertas biru yang dibacanya, memasukkan kembali ke dalam kaleng baja, dan menguburnya. Setetes air mata menjadi saksi bisu akan rindunya ia pada sahabatnya.
***
Minggu, 30 Agustus 2009
Kawan, maaf…gue gak bisa ngasi apa-apa buat kalian. Mudah-mudahan kalian ngerti kenapa gue nulis ini^^… Doaku menyertai kalian .. GBU…
Minggu, 27 Maret 2011
Sekolah
Okay. Gue bakal nulis in Bahasa cz gue lg kesel bgt, susah kalo pake English hahaha.
Sekolah disini buat perasaan gue mix banget. Kalo dibilang gue suka atau nggak, i cant tell. Tapi Friday is my fav day. you know...after school, get home, laying on the bed, forget HOMEWORKS for a moment! and i hate sunday.......cz after sunday is MONDAY! entah karena gue kebawa sm tmn2 gue yg notabennya mereka gak suka Monday and like Weekend, mungkin juga,..yah rata2nya anak sekolah lhaa.
kadang buat bangun tidur early itu susah banget. apalagi Monday, tarik nafas dalam..siap menghadapi sekolah aaa. haha. lebay.
ah well. kadang gue pikir. gue harus cari lebih byk kegiatan di sekolah. masa satu tahun gue exchange disini cuma buat do homeworks? nooooaaahhh. tp u know gue mikir juga, klo gue byk2 kegiatan di sekolah, PR gue terlantar..nilai gue jelek, dan entah kenapa GUE GABISA IGNORE HOMEWORKS. kayaknya NERD-NESS udah ada ada di tubuh gue dr lahir. *lebay* gue bukan anak pintar/jenius yg dg blink aja gue bisa do math or physic. tp gue akui gue termasuk anak rajin yg melakukan tugas sekolah (PR) se-perfect yg gue bisa. (klo ga bisa gue nyontek eventually he)
gue sering mikir, apa yg buat PR gue banyak? apa emg sekolah gue krn GPAnya lumayan besar jd termasuk sekolah fav yg PRnya banyak? apa karena gue ambil kelas2 yg emg PRnya suppose to be a lot? apa karena gue junior yg emg tiap sekolah junior itu hardest year? atau karena gue TERLALU RAJIN??
you know what. i feel nerd. really. i wasnt that nerd in Indonesia.
kalo gue bandingin sm ke-12 exchange students di sekolah gue, gue itu yg plg peduli sama sekolah. i mean.. I DO HOMEWORKS YOU KNOW! and THEY DONT! I WRITE NOTES! and THEY DONT! nilai gue cemerlang (ga maksud sombong, tp kenyataan) and mereka ga bagus2 amat. I feel nerd.
satu hal yg buat otak gue selalu mikir "PR GUE BANYAK" adalah karena kebiasaan gue dulu di Indo kalo dpt PR susah.. selalu CHEAT! disini, PR gak teralu susah, cuma BANYAK! dan sekalinya dpt yg susah...pikiran gue selalu AHHH PR INI TERALLAU BANYAK, pdahal aslinya sedikit cuma krn susah jd mikirnya BANYAK. hahaha.
tapi emg banyak kok.
okay, gue punya 7 kelas. dan sistem sekolah gue, 7 kelas itu setiap hari sama. rata2 tiap PR due besoknya.
1: Gitar, ini sih santai..PR plg seminggu sekali.
2: US History, actually PR di US Hist itu OPTIONAL, tapi gue ttp kerjain, kenapa? krn klo gak do it, TEST gue ancur banget. serius deh. jd gue kerjain. dan setiap hari selalu ada PR dan tugas paket wajib!!! gue di reguler lho! bukan AP! zzzz *emosi* im glad gurunya gak ngebosenin, @ least i like US history.
3: Biology, kelas yg satu ini bikin gue bingung. entah gue mesti menyesal/gak buat take ini kelas. awalnya boseennnnnn bgt, too easy! (realita) tp makin kesini..getting harder. apa ya ada yg aneh di kelas ini, i dont like it. i already talked about this in the previous posts. PRnya 3x seminggu lha rata2..
4: Algebra, ini kelas bikin gue stres, karena PRnya setiap hari. GAMPANG (kdg agak susah sih di graphing) tapi BANYAK. bikin kesel. -.-" kdg gue butuh 2 jam cuma buat do MATH HW.
5: Choir, gue tau di kelas ini gak pernah ada PR, itu bagusnya, tapi semenjak kejadian gue kena marah si guru sampe bawa2 ke AFS turun tangan.. bikin gue agak sensi sm si gurunya, gue sadar ni guru baik banget tapi strict-ruler dan gue gabisa ngerasain rasa toleran dr dia. gue pgn banget teriak "IM exchange student, i have another tasks beside do everything about school school school, im learning culture, im learning english aaa"
6: English, actually PRnya gak terlalu banyak, tapi krn gue lemah untuk digest english literature, buat gue dpt PR T.T, ya googling lha biar ngerti buku ini buku itu, re-read buku lha.. *sigh* dan usaha gue gak sia2 sih, i have 98 in Literature, haha. tp kdg bikin kesel deh tugas2nya T.T
7: Japanese, PR tiap hari tp biasanya gampang, kecuali KATAKANA. ini PR bikin gue kesel, nemu satu word susah banget, tp sekalinya ketemu bikin gue ketawa hahaha. abisnya aneh2 aja kadang dr katakana ke englishnya jauh haha.
oh well. intinya PR itu selalu ada everyday. dan TEST. setiap Selasa itu Quiz/Test US hist, setiap kamis Test Algebra, Setiap Jumat test/quiz Bio. -.-"
akhir first semester, gue pernah janji: gue mau coba untuk gak peduli sama PR dan Test tapi nyatanya gak pernah bisa.
sbenernya kalo gue santai, semua itu sebenernya sedikit dan gampang. tp krena gue orgnya cepet panik dan stress everything look huge. satu hal lagi, guru2 gue (kecuali guru choir) they like me! (bukan sombong tapi realita hahaha) i mean, gue gak enak aja..kalo tiba2 grade gue turun krn gue gak doing HW haha -.-"
oh well. idk.
satu hal yg gue gak suka juga, sekolah over at 3.30 -.- terus langsung pulang ke rumah doing homeworkssss (kecuali kamis choir rehearsal), tau2 uda besok..aaa
itulah gue gak suka Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday lumayanlah setidaknya gue ada kegiatan after school dan PR algebra tiap kamis PR online dan biasanya ga terlau susah. Yg pasti gue suka Lunch Time hahaha. kalo gak kumpul Club ya Lunch brg fellows haha. best time.
best best time itu emg weekend. dimana gue bisa main sepuas gue...dan menghabiskan uang (ini gak bagus), tapi asik. haha. walopun kadang transportasi menghambat kegiatan weekend gue, at least bisa lha nonton movie cuma butuh 6 menit naik mobil, hostmom selalu gak keberatan haha. at any rate, i love weekend deh.
gue tahu, im suppose to like school. well i do. but if u compare it with weekend, i prefer weekend :) but u know, if u get rid of homeworks i believe im gonna looovvve school XD
cao.
Sekolah disini buat perasaan gue mix banget. Kalo dibilang gue suka atau nggak, i cant tell. Tapi Friday is my fav day. you know...after school, get home, laying on the bed, forget HOMEWORKS for a moment! and i hate sunday.......cz after sunday is MONDAY! entah karena gue kebawa sm tmn2 gue yg notabennya mereka gak suka Monday and like Weekend, mungkin juga,..yah rata2nya anak sekolah lhaa.
kadang buat bangun tidur early itu susah banget. apalagi Monday, tarik nafas dalam..siap menghadapi sekolah aaa. haha. lebay.
ah well. kadang gue pikir. gue harus cari lebih byk kegiatan di sekolah. masa satu tahun gue exchange disini cuma buat do homeworks? nooooaaahhh. tp u know gue mikir juga, klo gue byk2 kegiatan di sekolah, PR gue terlantar..nilai gue jelek, dan entah kenapa GUE GABISA IGNORE HOMEWORKS. kayaknya NERD-NESS udah ada ada di tubuh gue dr lahir. *lebay* gue bukan anak pintar/jenius yg dg blink aja gue bisa do math or physic. tp gue akui gue termasuk anak rajin yg melakukan tugas sekolah (PR) se-perfect yg gue bisa. (klo ga bisa gue nyontek eventually he)
gue sering mikir, apa yg buat PR gue banyak? apa emg sekolah gue krn GPAnya lumayan besar jd termasuk sekolah fav yg PRnya banyak? apa karena gue ambil kelas2 yg emg PRnya suppose to be a lot? apa karena gue junior yg emg tiap sekolah junior itu hardest year? atau karena gue TERLALU RAJIN??
you know what. i feel nerd. really. i wasnt that nerd in Indonesia.
kalo gue bandingin sm ke-12 exchange students di sekolah gue, gue itu yg plg peduli sama sekolah. i mean.. I DO HOMEWORKS YOU KNOW! and THEY DONT! I WRITE NOTES! and THEY DONT! nilai gue cemerlang (ga maksud sombong, tp kenyataan) and mereka ga bagus2 amat. I feel nerd.
satu hal yg buat otak gue selalu mikir "PR GUE BANYAK" adalah karena kebiasaan gue dulu di Indo kalo dpt PR susah.. selalu CHEAT! disini, PR gak teralu susah, cuma BANYAK! dan sekalinya dpt yg susah...pikiran gue selalu AHHH PR INI TERALLAU BANYAK, pdahal aslinya sedikit cuma krn susah jd mikirnya BANYAK. hahaha.
tapi emg banyak kok.
okay, gue punya 7 kelas. dan sistem sekolah gue, 7 kelas itu setiap hari sama. rata2 tiap PR due besoknya.
1: Gitar, ini sih santai..PR plg seminggu sekali.
2: US History, actually PR di US Hist itu OPTIONAL, tapi gue ttp kerjain, kenapa? krn klo gak do it, TEST gue ancur banget. serius deh. jd gue kerjain. dan setiap hari selalu ada PR dan tugas paket wajib!!! gue di reguler lho! bukan AP! zzzz *emosi* im glad gurunya gak ngebosenin, @ least i like US history.
3: Biology, kelas yg satu ini bikin gue bingung. entah gue mesti menyesal/gak buat take ini kelas. awalnya boseennnnnn bgt, too easy! (realita) tp makin kesini..getting harder. apa ya ada yg aneh di kelas ini, i dont like it. i already talked about this in the previous posts. PRnya 3x seminggu lha rata2..
4: Algebra, ini kelas bikin gue stres, karena PRnya setiap hari. GAMPANG (kdg agak susah sih di graphing) tapi BANYAK. bikin kesel. -.-" kdg gue butuh 2 jam cuma buat do MATH HW.
5: Choir, gue tau di kelas ini gak pernah ada PR, itu bagusnya, tapi semenjak kejadian gue kena marah si guru sampe bawa2 ke AFS turun tangan.. bikin gue agak sensi sm si gurunya, gue sadar ni guru baik banget tapi strict-ruler dan gue gabisa ngerasain rasa toleran dr dia. gue pgn banget teriak "IM exchange student, i have another tasks beside do everything about school school school, im learning culture, im learning english aaa"
6: English, actually PRnya gak terlalu banyak, tapi krn gue lemah untuk digest english literature, buat gue dpt PR T.T, ya googling lha biar ngerti buku ini buku itu, re-read buku lha.. *sigh* dan usaha gue gak sia2 sih, i have 98 in Literature, haha. tp kdg bikin kesel deh tugas2nya T.T
7: Japanese, PR tiap hari tp biasanya gampang, kecuali KATAKANA. ini PR bikin gue kesel, nemu satu word susah banget, tp sekalinya ketemu bikin gue ketawa hahaha. abisnya aneh2 aja kadang dr katakana ke englishnya jauh haha.
oh well. intinya PR itu selalu ada everyday. dan TEST. setiap Selasa itu Quiz/Test US hist, setiap kamis Test Algebra, Setiap Jumat test/quiz Bio. -.-"
akhir first semester, gue pernah janji: gue mau coba untuk gak peduli sama PR dan Test tapi nyatanya gak pernah bisa.
sbenernya kalo gue santai, semua itu sebenernya sedikit dan gampang. tp krena gue orgnya cepet panik dan stress everything look huge. satu hal lagi, guru2 gue (kecuali guru choir) they like me! (bukan sombong tapi realita hahaha) i mean, gue gak enak aja..kalo tiba2 grade gue turun krn gue gak doing HW haha -.-"
oh well. idk.
satu hal yg gue gak suka juga, sekolah over at 3.30 -.- terus langsung pulang ke rumah doing homeworkssss (kecuali kamis choir rehearsal), tau2 uda besok..aaa
itulah gue gak suka Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday lumayanlah setidaknya gue ada kegiatan after school dan PR algebra tiap kamis PR online dan biasanya ga terlau susah. Yg pasti gue suka Lunch Time hahaha. kalo gak kumpul Club ya Lunch brg fellows haha. best time.
best best time itu emg weekend. dimana gue bisa main sepuas gue...dan menghabiskan uang (ini gak bagus), tapi asik. haha. walopun kadang transportasi menghambat kegiatan weekend gue, at least bisa lha nonton movie cuma butuh 6 menit naik mobil, hostmom selalu gak keberatan haha. at any rate, i love weekend deh.
gue tahu, im suppose to like school. well i do. but if u compare it with weekend, i prefer weekend :) but u know, if u get rid of homeworks i believe im gonna looovvve school XD
cao.
Rabu, 23 Maret 2011
Friends
(re-post from fb notes, i wrote this post when i just got in US, cz "somebody" was BUSY :ppppp)
Firstly, Sorry for writing a very common notes title or even d matters.
Secondly, this note i dedicate to u who ever told me about what 'Gum Friendship' is.
Thirdly, i'm not good in English, sorry if i write something in 'wierd way'
haha krik~
ok. I still remember when they said, "friendship is like a gum, you chew it, chew it, and when you lost d taste, u throw it away" again, sorry if it's too common to be heard. But at that time, what i thought was: when we need friend to help us, we will be together with her/him and when our friend already did their job for us, we're going away.
so what about it? -.-"
it seems as bad thing eh? sounds like we would tied and hug our friends if we want something from them.
but how if we are Violet Beauregarde? a character in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", who chew her gums and put them in her neck/ear or whataver and then chew them again? cool. BFF? not really. she throw them away eventually after several days.
or..
Friendship is like blanket/sweater. we wear our sweaters and stay under blanket because it's winter. But summer comes, oo we never use sweaters and blankets then.
or..(sorry it's pretty nasty ha)
friendship is like peeing
everybody can see it,
laugh at it,
but only us who can feel the warmth
but, nothing is everlasting? yeah
but you know what?
analogies are just analogies.
often, they don't give us a clear definition. it's depend on how we interprete them. Let's do this,
we may assume our friends are gums, but we throw them away is not because we don't need them. It's true we want something from our friends. We won't making friends if we have nothing to do with them. But what matter is how we say 'Thank you' to them, we welcome them to help us and we welcome them if they need our help. "Throw" can be mean we HAVE TO go to other Friends because we HAVE TO do something with them based on what we need. A sick person won't be go to a lawyer. Instead, he's going to a doctor. But he gives d doctor money as a THANKS GIVING.
we may assume friends are blanket/sweater. But a short and a tank top also our friends. We still put our sweater in our cupboard, drawer, bureau or whataver, though. we won't use a short in winter cz it's too cold. A friend will not 'torture' you.
or we can assume friendship is not like peeing, friends to friends are suppose to feel the warmth together, on both side.
When we say to our friends "ooo you are busy! u never hang out with me again! u never phone me! u just TOO BUSY!" well, we suppose to look our friends situation. it maybe there are so many people who need MORE our friends than us (at that time). we can't judge them as what we think BEFORE we know WHY our friends are rarely to phone us. They just need time to give their attention to other people, as they never literally forgeting us. Friends to friends will still remembering each other, will still helping each other as could as possible, will always SMILE, say thanks each other, everlasting as time would pass and die. Insya Allah :)
BESTFRIENDS
BESTFRIENDS
BESTFRIENDS
BESTFRIENDS
BESTFRIENDS
Firstly, Sorry for writing a very common notes title or even d matters.
Secondly, this note i dedicate to u who ever told me about what 'Gum Friendship' is.
Thirdly, i'm not good in English, sorry if i write something in 'wierd way'
haha krik~
ok. I still remember when they said, "friendship is like a gum, you chew it, chew it, and when you lost d taste, u throw it away" again, sorry if it's too common to be heard. But at that time, what i thought was: when we need friend to help us, we will be together with her/him and when our friend already did their job for us, we're going away.
so what about it? -.-"
it seems as bad thing eh? sounds like we would tied and hug our friends if we want something from them.
but how if we are Violet Beauregarde? a character in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", who chew her gums and put them in her neck/ear or whataver and then chew them again? cool. BFF? not really. she throw them away eventually after several days.
or..
Friendship is like blanket/sweater. we wear our sweaters and stay under blanket because it's winter. But summer comes, oo we never use sweaters and blankets then.
or..(sorry it's pretty nasty ha)
friendship is like peeing
everybody can see it,
laugh at it,
but only us who can feel the warmth
but, nothing is everlasting? yeah
but you know what?
analogies are just analogies.
often, they don't give us a clear definition. it's depend on how we interprete them. Let's do this,
we may assume our friends are gums, but we throw them away is not because we don't need them. It's true we want something from our friends. We won't making friends if we have nothing to do with them. But what matter is how we say 'Thank you' to them, we welcome them to help us and we welcome them if they need our help. "Throw" can be mean we HAVE TO go to other Friends because we HAVE TO do something with them based on what we need. A sick person won't be go to a lawyer. Instead, he's going to a doctor. But he gives d doctor money as a THANKS GIVING.
we may assume friends are blanket/sweater. But a short and a tank top also our friends. We still put our sweater in our cupboard, drawer, bureau or whataver, though. we won't use a short in winter cz it's too cold. A friend will not 'torture' you.
or we can assume friendship is not like peeing, friends to friends are suppose to feel the warmth together, on both side.
When we say to our friends "ooo you are busy! u never hang out with me again! u never phone me! u just TOO BUSY!" well, we suppose to look our friends situation. it maybe there are so many people who need MORE our friends than us (at that time). we can't judge them as what we think BEFORE we know WHY our friends are rarely to phone us. They just need time to give their attention to other people, as they never literally forgeting us. Friends to friends will still remembering each other, will still helping each other as could as possible, will always SMILE, say thanks each other, everlasting as time would pass and die. Insya Allah :)
BESTFRIENDS
BESTFRIENDS
BESTFRIENDS
BESTFRIENDS
BESTFRIENDS
Kamis, 17 Maret 2011
for my rival
I LOVE YOU ***** but I HATE YOU AS BAD AS I LOVE YOU :PPPPP
probably you're not counting me as a rival anymore, but those years were awesome and honored to compete with you, i admit, you won over me. and..mm..you deserve it, i guess.
(HOPE YOU READ THIS SILLY POST!! HAHA)
~~~~ahahhahaha~~~~
probably you're not counting me as a rival anymore, but those years were awesome and honored to compete with you, i admit, you won over me. and..mm..you deserve it, i guess.
(HOPE YOU READ THIS SILLY POST!! HAHA)
~~~~ahahhahaha~~~~
green-eyed (sigh sigh sigh)
People have their own lifes. Different each others.
Life. Thing that is so common people talk about. From time to time, from Jamestown until Levittown, from World War One until Vietnam War, from Dust Bowl until Tsunami Hit Japan, whatsoever. Before and after all of those, Life still and always exist.
They need sacrifices. I think this one is different.
Period to period, the form of sacrifices is changing. Eons ago, people might used other people to be sacrificed supposely for villagers better life. To ask God, hey God, we sent you a beuatiful woman, please receive our sacrifice, please. IF we can do it in this period -which we could- we are primitive. Yeah, everybody knows it.
Now, let us think.
What does sacrifice mean? What is it for? And does it have something to do with Life? no doubt. We do know this kind of thing. We have known it.
Why is it so hard to sacrifice? Why people once were real easy to kill human for better life while humans today even can't let 5 bucks 'fly' to a hobo for better life? or homeless people? or orphans?
no, my point is not that.
Why is it hard to sacrifice our stubborness and our jealousy, for better life? I suppose that every humankind has all happiness, we just sharing to another people. One is smart-er; one is pretty-er; one is rich-er; one is religious-er; one is lucky-er; one is more*(smart, pretty, rich, lucky, and religious). There's no one stupid, i guess. So mmm, maybe we were smart, but our friend is smarter, so we look stupid?
Why is it easy to be jealous? Not everyone undergoes it. But I do. Im jealous to everyone who can resist theirselves toward jealousy, who can defend from sword without shield, who can survive in a thick snow without furycoat, who can stand on their own feet, who can climb mountain without rope, who can do everything that other can't do, who have everything that other people don't.
Why is it easy to wear a mask? im expert to wear a good mask but smile. It's hard to make a fake smile. seriously. if i dont like people, i'd rather not smiling to them than make a fake smile. But it's easy to say, "Oh it's okay" eventhough it's not okay. Why feeling bad is like haunt me.. why it's hard to slap people, like literally slap them! Instead, i just 'petting' them.
Why is it so hard to leave homeworks? To not doing that? (im serious) Why is it so hard to not study for tests? I think i know for this questions. Cz i wanna be smart as other people are. I wanna get compliment as other people do. I dont wanna be weak, i dont wanna left behind. That's not good. I believe it's not.
I really wanna sacrifice my jealousy and my feeling-bad-so-people-can-accept-me temper. Go away. Just fall down the cliff. Go..
God, please receive my sacrifice, i dont mean to give my bad tempers to you, i just ask you to throw it away, please -,-
Life. Thing that is so common people talk about. From time to time, from Jamestown until Levittown, from World War One until Vietnam War, from Dust Bowl until Tsunami Hit Japan, whatsoever. Before and after all of those, Life still and always exist.
They need sacrifices. I think this one is different.
Period to period, the form of sacrifices is changing. Eons ago, people might used other people to be sacrificed supposely for villagers better life. To ask God, hey God, we sent you a beuatiful woman, please receive our sacrifice, please. IF we can do it in this period -which we could- we are primitive. Yeah, everybody knows it.
Now, let us think.
What does sacrifice mean? What is it for? And does it have something to do with Life? no doubt. We do know this kind of thing. We have known it.
Why is it so hard to sacrifice? Why people once were real easy to kill human for better life while humans today even can't let 5 bucks 'fly' to a hobo for better life? or homeless people? or orphans?
no, my point is not that.
Why is it hard to sacrifice our stubborness and our jealousy, for better life? I suppose that every humankind has all happiness, we just sharing to another people. One is smart-er; one is pretty-er; one is rich-er; one is religious-er; one is lucky-er; one is more*(smart, pretty, rich, lucky, and religious). There's no one stupid, i guess. So mmm, maybe we were smart, but our friend is smarter, so we look stupid?
Why is it easy to be jealous? Not everyone undergoes it. But I do. Im jealous to everyone who can resist theirselves toward jealousy, who can defend from sword without shield, who can survive in a thick snow without furycoat, who can stand on their own feet, who can climb mountain without rope, who can do everything that other can't do, who have everything that other people don't.
Why is it easy to wear a mask? im expert to wear a good mask but smile. It's hard to make a fake smile. seriously. if i dont like people, i'd rather not smiling to them than make a fake smile. But it's easy to say, "Oh it's okay" eventhough it's not okay. Why feeling bad is like haunt me.. why it's hard to slap people, like literally slap them! Instead, i just 'petting' them.
Why is it so hard to leave homeworks? To not doing that? (im serious) Why is it so hard to not study for tests? I think i know for this questions. Cz i wanna be smart as other people are. I wanna get compliment as other people do. I dont wanna be weak, i dont wanna left behind. That's not good. I believe it's not.
I really wanna sacrifice my jealousy and my feeling-bad-so-people-can-accept-me temper. Go away. Just fall down the cliff. Go..
God, please receive my sacrifice, i dont mean to give my bad tempers to you, i just ask you to throw it away, please -,-
Selasa, 15 Maret 2011
i never say that i dont wanna go home; anyway, I love my mom :)
i miss my family so badly. i miss my friends. and i miss indonesian foods!!!
if my AFS-YES friends around US-Europe, they happily say "I LOVE US(or europe), I LOVE MY HOSTFAM, I DONT WANNA GO HOME" etc etc. well, i DO love US, i DO love my hostmom, but im not gonna say that i dont wanna go home. i really do.
many good things im experiencing here that not in indonesia. it's awesome. i frankly say USA is awesome. Texas is awesome. My school is awesome. My life here is awesome. and i love my hostmom. She just so nice. im really really really glad i didnt move to another family. i do believe now that God really save the best for the last. i didnt know who my hostfam was until my departure day. and it was unexpected, im really happy to get mom like her. i love my mom :) and i love umi too, of course :))
but i wont say that i dont wanna go home. no, i wont.
i realize everything here is going good. im doing a lot of recreational, cultural, and volunteering much much much waayyyy moreee than in indonesia. but feeling like saying : i wanna stay here. i believe its not gonna happen. he. i dont know. or it just not happening ....yet? i dont think so :p
if my AFS-YES friends around US-Europe, they happily say "I LOVE US(or europe), I LOVE MY HOSTFAM, I DONT WANNA GO HOME" etc etc. well, i DO love US, i DO love my hostmom, but im not gonna say that i dont wanna go home. i really do.
many good things im experiencing here that not in indonesia. it's awesome. i frankly say USA is awesome. Texas is awesome. My school is awesome. My life here is awesome. and i love my hostmom. She just so nice. im really really really glad i didnt move to another family. i do believe now that God really save the best for the last. i didnt know who my hostfam was until my departure day. and it was unexpected, im really happy to get mom like her. i love my mom :) and i love umi too, of course :))
but i wont say that i dont wanna go home. no, i wont.
i realize everything here is going good. im doing a lot of recreational, cultural, and volunteering much much much waayyyy moreee than in indonesia. but feeling like saying : i wanna stay here. i believe its not gonna happen. he. i dont know. or it just not happening ....yet? i dont think so :p
Senin, 14 Maret 2011
i definitely love DC, but Texas is way better for a home :)
4 days in Washington DC, finally i felt like winteeeerrr!! there's no snow though, but the trees didnt have leaves hahaha at least that what's suppose to be happening in winter, not like in Texas, 4 seasons, feels like everything same but temperature changing xD (not that much)
big challange for finally i chose to go with mom to DC, cz school and teacher are suck (sorry). they 'indirectly' didnt allow me to go, but i was going anyway..and it was worth it :)
we slept over in Hilton Hotel, i went to AFS conference (just a bit) it was fun, cultural learning is made as interesting as they could! and they made it, it was pretty good.
anyway
I LOVE DC AND VIRGINIA!
many pedestrians, hectic town, old buildings, fresh air (not hot), felt like winter, many us-history-things, love it!
i definitely love DC, but Texas (houston) is way better for a home :)
no snow= going somewhere easyly
average temperature (not too hot (except summer), not too cold)
many ethnics= learn other cultures besides Americans
houston is a a big city, but not a hectic city.. traffic is controllable
well, houston is definitely not a Recreation Center haha
but it's a HOME :)
big challange for finally i chose to go with mom to DC, cz school and teacher are suck (sorry). they 'indirectly' didnt allow me to go, but i was going anyway..and it was worth it :)
we slept over in Hilton Hotel, i went to AFS conference (just a bit) it was fun, cultural learning is made as interesting as they could! and they made it, it was pretty good.
anyway
I LOVE DC AND VIRGINIA!
many pedestrians, hectic town, old buildings, fresh air (not hot), felt like winter, many us-history-things, love it!
i definitely love DC, but Texas (houston) is way better for a home :)
no snow= going somewhere easyly
average temperature (not too hot (except summer), not too cold)
many ethnics= learn other cultures besides Americans
houston is a a big city, but not a hectic city.. traffic is controllable
well, houston is definitely not a Recreation Center haha
but it's a HOME :)
Rabu, 09 Maret 2011
i just knew that this feeling called SUPERMAD !
really. i dont need privilage, but i do need tolerant. i really mad, mad, mad, mad, super mad...i prefer somebody who act like whole-strict-hot-tempered-blahblahblah-BAD rather than acting like nice-strict-kind-bad-whatever-good-and-bad-like-wearing-a-mask..<-- teenager galau
Kamis, 03 Maret 2011
Diary vs Twitter
I got my first diary (in US) on my first day in US, a journal book actually. A YES journal book. We're expected to write on it about our year in US. But well, mine is still empty hahaha.
I got my second diary book on my first day in Texas, from my liaison, with a horse picture on the cover, just like..you know..Texas.
i started to write on it in the first week or for a couple weeks, i dont remember.
i loved to write my feelings and something that happened to me. but when school started, i shifted on my homeworks hahaha, though i knew i had some times to write, but idk, it just shifted to other things that i prefered to do, like made a fantasy LOL. ha
I got my third diary book from my hostmom as one of the Christmast gifts. you probably have guessed im not writing on it haha. yeah it's still empty.
I told mom im not really into diary book <-- LOL. i mean i just cant stand on it, sooner or later i'll get bored of it. I told her too i got one from my liaison and i stopped to write. You probably have guessed what she said, as the post title says: "Write on diary is important, you'll show it to your children, it's different with blogging or something, you have it, you keep it, it's ur handwriting, it's not for public ...u'll learn something from what u've done"
i know she's right.
you know what, cz of that, i'll keep thinking about what i've done or what i've been through for 18 years and i didnt write them. They passed by..went away..no traces..no signs. wait, i have pictures :) that what i was thinking, but..mm..maybe pictures are not enough.
the good thing i like diary much is cz it's private, no one will see if we keep it neatly, it's like "we're not showing off", not like Facebook or blog, everything looks like public.
I know good things of social networking. yall've known it. but sometimes, i feel like.."no, why did i write that? no" i mean now i feel things that are supposed to be private, personal..it shows up on public, everyone can see.. like twitter. I hate twitter but i like twitter..*slap* i had many tweets like thousandssss but i deleted them cz i was thinking mostly were personal, people are not suppose to know or people..sometimes they dont careeeeeee what you tweeted -,-"
aahh sometimes by tweeting i feel relieve ..people know what i feel..sometimes they asked me or something. twitter is so tempting when im mad or upset. but ACTUALLY i shouldnt have done that. my feelings are personal. i know that. i mean..look.. people in twitter are not really our close-best-trusted people. you know what i mean..come on.
i wanna write on diary but it never works for a long time -.- anddd it wont be. i guess. haha
I got my second diary book on my first day in Texas, from my liaison, with a horse picture on the cover, just like..you know..Texas.
i started to write on it in the first week or for a couple weeks, i dont remember.
i loved to write my feelings and something that happened to me. but when school started, i shifted on my homeworks hahaha, though i knew i had some times to write, but idk, it just shifted to other things that i prefered to do, like made a fantasy LOL. ha
I got my third diary book from my hostmom as one of the Christmast gifts. you probably have guessed im not writing on it haha. yeah it's still empty.
I told mom im not really into diary book <-- LOL. i mean i just cant stand on it, sooner or later i'll get bored of it. I told her too i got one from my liaison and i stopped to write. You probably have guessed what she said, as the post title says: "Write on diary is important, you'll show it to your children, it's different with blogging or something, you have it, you keep it, it's ur handwriting, it's not for public ...u'll learn something from what u've done"
i know she's right.
you know what, cz of that, i'll keep thinking about what i've done or what i've been through for 18 years and i didnt write them. They passed by..went away..no traces..no signs. wait, i have pictures :) that what i was thinking, but..mm..maybe pictures are not enough.
the good thing i like diary much is cz it's private, no one will see if we keep it neatly, it's like "we're not showing off", not like Facebook or blog, everything looks like public.
I know good things of social networking. yall've known it. but sometimes, i feel like.."no, why did i write that? no" i mean now i feel things that are supposed to be private, personal..it shows up on public, everyone can see.. like twitter. I hate twitter but i like twitter..*slap* i had many tweets like thousandssss but i deleted them cz i was thinking mostly were personal, people are not suppose to know or people..sometimes they dont careeeeeee what you tweeted -,-"
aahh sometimes by tweeting i feel relieve ..people know what i feel..sometimes they asked me or something. twitter is so tempting when im mad or upset. but ACTUALLY i shouldnt have done that. my feelings are personal. i know that. i mean..look.. people in twitter are not really our close-best-trusted people. you know what i mean..come on.
i wanna write on diary but it never works for a long time -.- anddd it wont be. i guess. haha
Senin, 28 Februari 2011
Chocolate Makes You Smarter
i got something today, that "NO MATTER HOW INTERESTING THE LESSONS ARE, HOW FUN THE TEACHERS ARE, HOW "TEMPTING" OUR CLASSMATES ARE (HAHA), AS TIME GOES BY, STUDY IS STILL STUDY--> MEANS STUDYING IS BORING"
who says WE CAN USED TO EVERYTHING? I definitely AGAINST YOU. haha.
tell me if u know a trick how to stop yawning in class? A LOGIC ONE. haha :} <-- it's supposed as a sly smile
who says WE CAN USED TO EVERYTHING? I definitely AGAINST YOU. haha.
tell me if u know a trick how to stop yawning in class? A LOGIC ONE. haha :} <-- it's supposed as a sly smile
Senin, 21 Februari 2011
"New" teacher in my boring biology class
Ms. Best comes back after her "missing" for 6 weeks. i've never known her.
anyway, hear her name is pretty cool, "best", most good. ahha.
well, iam wondering for the class atmospher now. it's like 180 degrees different. they are sooooo quiet now. and clearly,obviously,literally,blah blah --lly i like it whoaaa.
they could have been quiet for the 6 weeks with ms. Bard as well. in fact, they didnt. Ms. Bard is a nice teacher though, they could have respected her.
oh well, i dont know why i like to talk about my biology class. there's something that attrack my nerve to talk about it (lebay) but yeah wonder why.
in fact, there's nothing interesting in this class but my yawning (isnt that interesting? wahaha)
oh well. u were wasting ur time if u read it xD
anyway, hear her name is pretty cool, "best", most good. ahha.
well, iam wondering for the class atmospher now. it's like 180 degrees different. they are sooooo quiet now. and clearly,obviously,literally,blah blah --lly i like it whoaaa.
they could have been quiet for the 6 weeks with ms. Bard as well. in fact, they didnt. Ms. Bard is a nice teacher though, they could have respected her.
oh well, i dont know why i like to talk about my biology class. there's something that attrack my nerve to talk about it (lebay) but yeah wonder why.
in fact, there's nothing interesting in this class but my yawning (isnt that interesting? wahaha)
oh well. u were wasting ur time if u read it xD
Sabtu, 19 Februari 2011
saya belajar satu hal
Saya belajar satu hal, bahwa bolehlah kita semangat, tapi jangan berlebihan
karena nanti semangat ke depanmu bisa saja runtuh karena kelelahan dan bosan akan semuanya
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa posisi tidak saja ditentukan dengan potensi
karena orang2 yg belum mengenalmu akan seenaknya mencontreng namamu untuk ditempatkan dimanapun
dan kau harus terima itu
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa jangan mudah percaya dan dipercaya walau kau sudah mengenal lama sebelum kau tahu sebenarnya siapa dia
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa bawahanmu tak selamanya tidak lebih berwibawa darimu
karena pola pikir tak ditentukan dengan usia dan jabatan, tapi lingkungan dan kesadaran
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa ketika main job dirimu tidak terlaksana karena kau terlalu bergantung, tak mau bekerja sendiri maka cabang-cabang yg lain akan kau kerjakan setengah2,
karena heeyy.. tugas utamamu bukanlah itu.. beban di pundakmu bukanlah itu yg terbesar...
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa dendam tak boleh . di larang . sangat dilarang dimanapun kita berada. walaupun itu hanya sekecil apapun
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa terkadang MATERI memang segalanya karena ia mengalahkan segala potensi. tapi saya tahu, segala keburukan kelak berawal dari MATERI tanpa potensi itu.
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa korupsi MEMANG TERJADI DIMANA-MANA dan semua demo bibir yg keluar tidak seperti yg diharapkan kalau kau heey masih melakukan korupsi itu juga
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa perasaan harus dibalas dengan logika jika kau tak mau terus-terusan luluh karena cinta dan kerinduan
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa keluarga adalah mereka yang mampu berbuat keluarga bukan berkata keluarga
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa kau HARUS MENGHORMATI ATASANMU, dia yang berhak mendapat hormat dari kami para bawahannya heey. sopan!
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa topeng itu memang akan terbayar.. kelak.. entah kapan..
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa kamu yng menganggap org2 disekitarmu sbg rival terkadang tak sadar bahwa org2 itu tak pernah menganggapmu apa2, maka tak usahlah bangga jika kau berhasil lolos darinya, sementara mereka biasa saja, hanya.. kau boleh bangga bahwa resolusi dan targetmu telah tercapai
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa apa yang sudah saya tulis entah kapan saya sadari bahwa jari-jari ini hanya bergerak pada alam bawah sadar saya..
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa supel itu sangat dibutuhkan
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa konfirmasi sangat dibutuhkan
saya belajar satu hal, JANGAN MAU DIANGGAP REMEH OLEH ORANG LAIN!!!
saya belajar satu hal, SEMUA MANUSIA SAMA!! SAMA!!
dan saya belajar satu hal, bahwa saya YAKIN MAMPU melakukan segalanya.
satu hal yang menjadi banyak hal ini .
karena nanti semangat ke depanmu bisa saja runtuh karena kelelahan dan bosan akan semuanya
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa posisi tidak saja ditentukan dengan potensi
karena orang2 yg belum mengenalmu akan seenaknya mencontreng namamu untuk ditempatkan dimanapun
dan kau harus terima itu
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa jangan mudah percaya dan dipercaya walau kau sudah mengenal lama sebelum kau tahu sebenarnya siapa dia
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa bawahanmu tak selamanya tidak lebih berwibawa darimu
karena pola pikir tak ditentukan dengan usia dan jabatan, tapi lingkungan dan kesadaran
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa ketika main job dirimu tidak terlaksana karena kau terlalu bergantung, tak mau bekerja sendiri maka cabang-cabang yg lain akan kau kerjakan setengah2,
karena heeyy.. tugas utamamu bukanlah itu.. beban di pundakmu bukanlah itu yg terbesar...
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa dendam tak boleh . di larang . sangat dilarang dimanapun kita berada. walaupun itu hanya sekecil apapun
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa terkadang MATERI memang segalanya karena ia mengalahkan segala potensi. tapi saya tahu, segala keburukan kelak berawal dari MATERI tanpa potensi itu.
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa korupsi MEMANG TERJADI DIMANA-MANA dan semua demo bibir yg keluar tidak seperti yg diharapkan kalau kau heey masih melakukan korupsi itu juga
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa perasaan harus dibalas dengan logika jika kau tak mau terus-terusan luluh karena cinta dan kerinduan
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa keluarga adalah mereka yang mampu berbuat keluarga bukan berkata keluarga
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa kau HARUS MENGHORMATI ATASANMU, dia yang berhak mendapat hormat dari kami para bawahannya heey. sopan!
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa topeng itu memang akan terbayar.. kelak.. entah kapan..
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa kamu yng menganggap org2 disekitarmu sbg rival terkadang tak sadar bahwa org2 itu tak pernah menganggapmu apa2, maka tak usahlah bangga jika kau berhasil lolos darinya, sementara mereka biasa saja, hanya.. kau boleh bangga bahwa resolusi dan targetmu telah tercapai
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa apa yang sudah saya tulis entah kapan saya sadari bahwa jari-jari ini hanya bergerak pada alam bawah sadar saya..
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa supel itu sangat dibutuhkan
saya belajar satu hal, bahwa konfirmasi sangat dibutuhkan
saya belajar satu hal, JANGAN MAU DIANGGAP REMEH OLEH ORANG LAIN!!!
saya belajar satu hal, SEMUA MANUSIA SAMA!! SAMA!!
dan saya belajar satu hal, bahwa saya YAKIN MAMPU melakukan segalanya.
satu hal yang menjadi banyak hal ini .
Minggu, 13 Februari 2011
Japanese contest
"dang it!"
that was the first word i exlaimed after read the posting announcement, i didnt go to final! hahaha.
I was confident, really, i thought i was gonna make it. in fact...nuuuppp.
There were 5 from my school, 3 of them went to final, and 2 didnt. including me! whahaha. well, okay. "experience". that what everyone said to me after they knew i didnt go to final. that was pretty funny. we were all in division 1, division where the beginner japanese compete. we didnt have good pronounciation. our score slightly different, that's the good thing.
the bad thing (not bad, just...make me envy...) when i saw the final from division 1 to 5, it was just so different. the division 2 people had a really good accent! (at least what i thought) and division 4.. they could understand what judges asked them. envyyyy. i really wanna be able to speak japanese like a native speaker haha. (i dont know why, my friends affect me a lot about the japanese good things, and my best friend is a japanese, so, well..u know).
alrighty. that's okay. i hope im gonna have other chances.
Thanks to Anna, Sue, Alissa, and Sensei Bolinger :)
that was the first word i exlaimed after read the posting announcement, i didnt go to final! hahaha.
I was confident, really, i thought i was gonna make it. in fact...nuuuppp.
There were 5 from my school, 3 of them went to final, and 2 didnt. including me! whahaha. well, okay. "experience". that what everyone said to me after they knew i didnt go to final. that was pretty funny. we were all in division 1, division where the beginner japanese compete. we didnt have good pronounciation. our score slightly different, that's the good thing.
the bad thing (not bad, just...make me envy...) when i saw the final from division 1 to 5, it was just so different. the division 2 people had a really good accent! (at least what i thought) and division 4.. they could understand what judges asked them. envyyyy. i really wanna be able to speak japanese like a native speaker haha. (i dont know why, my friends affect me a lot about the japanese good things, and my best friend is a japanese, so, well..u know).
alrighty. that's okay. i hope im gonna have other chances.
Thanks to Anna, Sue, Alissa, and Sensei Bolinger :)
Rabu, 02 Februari 2011
My dreams
alrite. i said i was gonna post my dreams haha.
here we go.
#1
i just got home from US. i went to school, the school was suppose to be my HS but the building was my elemantary school. I went to classes, i met Ayu, Nadia, n Daifan. which is wierd. They even do not go to my school -.-" they were my EL n JHS friends. I cried in my dreams because people kept asking me what i've been done in US. Did i bring something useful for myself? Did i change to be a better person? I cried. I didnt know what to say. I felt i did nothing in US. I wanted to come back to US and fixed everything. That was my first dream.
#2
Next night. I just got home from US. I was at home. I cried. I cried in my dreams because people kept asking me what i've been done in US. Did i bring something useful for myself? Did i change to be a better person? I cried. I didnt know what to say. I felt i did nothing in US. I wanted to come back to US and fixed everything. That was the second night.
#3
Next. I just got home from US. I cried. I cried in my dreams because people kept asking me what i've been done in US. Did i bring something useful for myself? Did i change to be a better person? I cried. I didnt know what to say. I felt i did nothing in US. I wanted to come back to US and fixed everything. That was the third night.
#4
Next night. I just got home from US. I cried. I cried in my dreams because people kept asking me what i've been done in US. Did i bring something useful for myself? Did i change to be a better person? I cried. I didnt know what to say. I felt i did nothing in US. I wanted to come back to US and fixed everything. That was the forth night, the last night i had the same dreams -.-
i cant remember the details in my dreams. well u know everyone cant tell their dreams exactly what they had, we'll forget the plot in a few minutes after we wake up. anyway, it haunted me haha. it make me questioned what i've been done here. have i reached my goals? have i did something that really make me realizing something good?? am i right to go here? the most important thing, do i have a good intention for coming here?
here we go.
#1
i just got home from US. i went to school, the school was suppose to be my HS but the building was my elemantary school. I went to classes, i met Ayu, Nadia, n Daifan. which is wierd. They even do not go to my school -.-" they were my EL n JHS friends. I cried in my dreams because people kept asking me what i've been done in US. Did i bring something useful for myself? Did i change to be a better person? I cried. I didnt know what to say. I felt i did nothing in US. I wanted to come back to US and fixed everything. That was my first dream.
#2
Next night. I just got home from US. I was at home. I cried. I cried in my dreams because people kept asking me what i've been done in US. Did i bring something useful for myself? Did i change to be a better person? I cried. I didnt know what to say. I felt i did nothing in US. I wanted to come back to US and fixed everything. That was the second night.
#3
Next. I just got home from US. I cried. I cried in my dreams because people kept asking me what i've been done in US. Did i bring something useful for myself? Did i change to be a better person? I cried. I didnt know what to say. I felt i did nothing in US. I wanted to come back to US and fixed everything. That was the third night.
#4
Next night. I just got home from US. I cried. I cried in my dreams because people kept asking me what i've been done in US. Did i bring something useful for myself? Did i change to be a better person? I cried. I didnt know what to say. I felt i did nothing in US. I wanted to come back to US and fixed everything. That was the forth night, the last night i had the same dreams -.-
i cant remember the details in my dreams. well u know everyone cant tell their dreams exactly what they had, we'll forget the plot in a few minutes after we wake up. anyway, it haunted me haha. it make me questioned what i've been done here. have i reached my goals? have i did something that really make me realizing something good?? am i right to go here? the most important thing, do i have a good intention for coming here?
Minggu, 30 Januari 2011
がんばってね！！
て
川崎博
初めての人とだって
握手で知り合いになれる
言葉がてんでわからなくても
外人のvサインはわかる
耳が聞こえない人とだって
やり方を習えば
手で話ができる
アフリカには
太鼓を手で鳴らして
遠い遠い村と
話をする人がいるよ
川崎博
初めての人とだって
握手で知り合いになれる
言葉がてんでわからなくても
外人のvサインはわかる
耳が聞こえない人とだって
やり方を習えば
手で話ができる
アフリカには
太鼓を手で鳴らして
遠い遠い村と
話をする人がいるよ
Jumat, 28 Januari 2011
a little story of stories
Im more comfy nowadays, i had fun at school lately and recently, and i am having fun at school. This semester would be a way fun than last semester! wow.
still, the feeling like "it's my school" hasnt come yet. I'll have that kind of feeling if i know most of people at school. promise. but i know i wont make it. that seems impossible to know 4000 people to be friends or at least acquintances. im kinda like dependent to my friends, i feel like there's nothing i could do but chit-chat with them. but not that much in here. my broken english still lean on me, little hard to make a really good communications. oh when am i gonna be an awesome english speaker..........? live abroad a year not full-guarantee you can speak english well, for me @ least, idk for somebedy else though.
alrite. in my previous post i told you that im not gonna like my bio class. and no im not. im trying but i cant make it. i keep yawning at class. the class is so boring. sometimes my eyes will wide open if i hear the teacher tell me things that i never heard/learned before. that makes me pay attention to her and that is good for me. otherwise, i dont like the class situation (did i write it before?), well i dont care i could write it over haha. the students are noisy, they talk a lot, and write slow (sorry fellas :p) that make me upset. why dont they sit and write still, listen to the teacher and ask questions beside "are we taking notes?" -.-"
okay. things that make me happier than classes (some not, like bio n math) is a lunch time haha. well, everybody like lunch time. but wait, not for me when i first just got here.
i love my friends. you can tell :D. these friends are different specially for a friend that i just like her! (u would not understand what im saying), the point is i know that i'll cry a lot with my deep heart by the time im leaving US, means im gonna leaving them :( *dramatic :p but yeah idk when am i gonna see her after im leaving rite?
we had fun every lunch. we go to clubs or hanging around accompany one of us to a class cz we need to do something. it was interesting when for the frist time i went to CSU club (Christian S Union, idk what S stands for), im the only scarf-girl (read: moeslem) in the middle of Christians haha. that was interesting to hear them talk about Bible, it wasnt too-too Christian though. it was more general for everybody. we went to Best Buddies one time, had lunch with some handicap students at school. we played cards with them. that was a lot of fun. maybe they didnt know (include my friends) how happy i was that time cz i didnt show my too-happy-expression, but i didnt stop smiling, i loved being around them. such a blessing shared happiness with them. i would love to do it again.
last weekend my friend invited me to her church, a Hispanic church, they had a concert at night, and yeah that was a lot fun as well. though people speak Spanish most of the time, i dont care, i liked when they sang and played games together (they spoke english when playing games) and the host were like welcome me, my friend talked to him to speak in front of audience mention that they had a guest from Indonesia! that was awesome. i was standing and people were clapping their hands for me, some people shaked hands with me, smiled and said welcome. lol.
awwww. by the way i'll write something about my dreams. i've been dreaming like really wierd. it happened for 4 days in a row or 3, i cant remember. the dream plots are similar. i'll write it later.
still, the feeling like "it's my school" hasnt come yet. I'll have that kind of feeling if i know most of people at school. promise. but i know i wont make it. that seems impossible to know 4000 people to be friends or at least acquintances. im kinda like dependent to my friends, i feel like there's nothing i could do but chit-chat with them. but not that much in here. my broken english still lean on me, little hard to make a really good communications. oh when am i gonna be an awesome english speaker..........? live abroad a year not full-guarantee you can speak english well, for me @ least, idk for somebedy else though.
alrite. in my previous post i told you that im not gonna like my bio class. and no im not. im trying but i cant make it. i keep yawning at class. the class is so boring. sometimes my eyes will wide open if i hear the teacher tell me things that i never heard/learned before. that makes me pay attention to her and that is good for me. otherwise, i dont like the class situation (did i write it before?), well i dont care i could write it over haha. the students are noisy, they talk a lot, and write slow (sorry fellas :p) that make me upset. why dont they sit and write still, listen to the teacher and ask questions beside "are we taking notes?" -.-"
okay. things that make me happier than classes (some not, like bio n math) is a lunch time haha. well, everybody like lunch time. but wait, not for me when i first just got here.
i love my friends. you can tell :D. these friends are different specially for a friend that i just like her! (u would not understand what im saying), the point is i know that i'll cry a lot with my deep heart by the time im leaving US, means im gonna leaving them :( *dramatic :p but yeah idk when am i gonna see her after im leaving rite?
we had fun every lunch. we go to clubs or hanging around accompany one of us to a class cz we need to do something. it was interesting when for the frist time i went to CSU club (Christian S Union, idk what S stands for), im the only scarf-girl (read: moeslem) in the middle of Christians haha. that was interesting to hear them talk about Bible, it wasnt too-too Christian though. it was more general for everybody. we went to Best Buddies one time, had lunch with some handicap students at school. we played cards with them. that was a lot of fun. maybe they didnt know (include my friends) how happy i was that time cz i didnt show my too-happy-expression, but i didnt stop smiling, i loved being around them. such a blessing shared happiness with them. i would love to do it again.
last weekend my friend invited me to her church, a Hispanic church, they had a concert at night, and yeah that was a lot fun as well. though people speak Spanish most of the time, i dont care, i liked when they sang and played games together (they spoke english when playing games) and the host were like welcome me, my friend talked to him to speak in front of audience mention that they had a guest from Indonesia! that was awesome. i was standing and people were clapping their hands for me, some people shaked hands with me, smiled and said welcome. lol.
awwww. by the way i'll write something about my dreams. i've been dreaming like really wierd. it happened for 4 days in a row or 3, i cant remember. the dream plots are similar. i'll write it later.
Sabtu, 15 Januari 2011
New Spirit (?)
heeeyyyy
this semester i have 2 new classes! ♥♥
the bad thing is i should leave my theater class which means leave my friends. ooo they're just so nice. i left already actually. It made me a little hesitate to switch, but theater was so boring (not really though, i was just not liking to speak in front of people with broken english), sometimes theater was fun when i watched people acting, do silly things and stuffs that was entertaining. but i didnt like when my turn to do that, big no. sometimes, it was so boring, the teacher just let us to do works for two weeks! easy one! -.- so we just sat in black box or auditorium or cafetaria doing easy works for weeks. so i moved. it was sad when my friend in theater said "dont move! i'll be lonely!" i know, i have great partners, Manisha, Crystal, n Peter aww u guys made my days here :p but i should take another fun class to color my year.
second class, it was psychology. i loved it, but it's a semester class, i have to switch, i was in business class but i didnt like it, really that's boring i think, so i switched.
so, im in Biology and Choir!! :))
you know, life is pathetic (not me) haha. especially when u forget every single easy thing becuase FUN time killed you!! i started to forget science, my major study in Indonesia back then. So i decided to take at least one science class which is Biology. My counselor a little doubts me that i could deal with Biology since i didnt take Bio in d first semester. I told her i've learned Bio in Indonesia, so she wanted me to talk to Bio teacher about my case. n YKW? i was really upset, she doesnt trust me either i could deal with that! she doubts my reading comprehension, well i know im not english speaker but i'll try though, i've learned biology! the most annoying thing, she called ESL Bio teacher and offered me to just get in her class. What the..! I dont want it of course, so i decided to get in regular Bio instead of pre-AP Bio.
So there i am now. In Regular BIO (im d only junior there, regular Bio is for freshman n sophomores). i dont know what to say. I took the bio benchmark test, the first test, that was hard, (actually easy), i forgot easy thing in Bio. -_____- but the following days, well, it was about easy things ive learned in 7th grade. idk, i think i dont like it. n im not gonna like it. but i should like it, otherwise my semester will not going good.
the other bad thing is, the bio class is far, it's located in the old building of my school, i have to pass the field to get there, in winter time, that is no good, cold and far -.-"
d second class i'm in is choir. lol. i never thought to take this before. i cant sing well. i didnt have basic music theory but guitar stuffs. i have to be able to catch up, otherwise i left behind. i was nervous when d first day came lol. it's silly i know. i was afraid the choir people are hard to accept new person since they're close together as a group since last semester. I relieved knowing im not the only new student there, yaiy! n i relieved knowing people there are soooo awesome, they're nice :) sooo im gonna like being a part of them :p
yap. those are them. new spirit. let's start this new semester with recite basmallah. hoho. i hope im gonna be fine for this last 6 months. seriously, i know im gonna miss everything here! i think i'm gonna like the rest of my time hereeeee! yaiy! i promise i'll cry by the time i have to pack my things :(
this semester i have 2 new classes! ♥♥
the bad thing is i should leave my theater class which means leave my friends. ooo they're just so nice. i left already actually. It made me a little hesitate to switch, but theater was so boring (not really though, i was just not liking to speak in front of people with broken english), sometimes theater was fun when i watched people acting, do silly things and stuffs that was entertaining. but i didnt like when my turn to do that, big no. sometimes, it was so boring, the teacher just let us to do works for two weeks! easy one! -.- so we just sat in black box or auditorium or cafetaria doing easy works for weeks. so i moved. it was sad when my friend in theater said "dont move! i'll be lonely!" i know, i have great partners, Manisha, Crystal, n Peter aww u guys made my days here :p but i should take another fun class to color my year.
second class, it was psychology. i loved it, but it's a semester class, i have to switch, i was in business class but i didnt like it, really that's boring i think, so i switched.
so, im in Biology and Choir!! :))
you know, life is pathetic (not me) haha. especially when u forget every single easy thing becuase FUN time killed you!! i started to forget science, my major study in Indonesia back then. So i decided to take at least one science class which is Biology. My counselor a little doubts me that i could deal with Biology since i didnt take Bio in d first semester. I told her i've learned Bio in Indonesia, so she wanted me to talk to Bio teacher about my case. n YKW? i was really upset, she doesnt trust me either i could deal with that! she doubts my reading comprehension, well i know im not english speaker but i'll try though, i've learned biology! the most annoying thing, she called ESL Bio teacher and offered me to just get in her class. What the..! I dont want it of course, so i decided to get in regular Bio instead of pre-AP Bio.
So there i am now. In Regular BIO (im d only junior there, regular Bio is for freshman n sophomores). i dont know what to say. I took the bio benchmark test, the first test, that was hard, (actually easy), i forgot easy thing in Bio. -_____- but the following days, well, it was about easy things ive learned in 7th grade. idk, i think i dont like it. n im not gonna like it. but i should like it, otherwise my semester will not going good.
the other bad thing is, the bio class is far, it's located in the old building of my school, i have to pass the field to get there, in winter time, that is no good, cold and far -.-"
d second class i'm in is choir. lol. i never thought to take this before. i cant sing well. i didnt have basic music theory but guitar stuffs. i have to be able to catch up, otherwise i left behind. i was nervous when d first day came lol. it's silly i know. i was afraid the choir people are hard to accept new person since they're close together as a group since last semester. I relieved knowing im not the only new student there, yaiy! n i relieved knowing people there are soooo awesome, they're nice :) sooo im gonna like being a part of them :p
yap. those are them. new spirit. let's start this new semester with recite basmallah. hoho. i hope im gonna be fine for this last 6 months. seriously, i know im gonna miss everything here! i think i'm gonna like the rest of my time hereeeee! yaiy! i promise i'll cry by the time i have to pack my things :(
Kamis, 06 Januari 2011
Rabu, 05 Januari 2011
i feel strange, really strange
(blog gue jadi kayak diary, isinya curhatan haha)
i dont care if there are people read this or not. I really wanna have personal diary but i just cant. idk why, i never have diary for a long time, like permanently. i prefer typing than manual writing. and i dont care if people want to read this or not, but i do care if there stranger read this, i mean people that i dont know. it just interesting to have people like that reading my post, so i wont embarassed since they dont know me lol. ok. enough. this writing are not important actually.
well,
i have many dreams, i wanna be someone in law background but not a lawyer, i want to work in medical things but not a doctor or nurse, i want to be a writer- a really good writer, i want to be a rich person, i want to have a religious,kind,cute,and wealthy husband, i want to feed many poor people with my money, i want to travel the world, i wanna have many friends and networks, i want to be able drawing or painting and singing and playing instruments, i want to be happy with all of those.
i never said that before, waw.
it sounds so greedy i know. But nevermind, i dont really attempt that though. It just my fantasy.
yeah, fantasy. that word. fantasy. fantasy really make me drunk and weak.
actually i'm not gonna write about my dreams-fantasy, instead, my fantasy which stuck in my head. im crazy. let me tell you n u can tell me that im crazy.
i have this fantasy everyday, and almost every single time even if people are talking to me. I was doing this CONSCIOUSLY since i was in 6th grade. So, this fantasy is a story made by me, im making a story in my head. I have quiet many characters, more than 3 guy and 3 girls. Im making a plot, un-neat plot. Sometimes it could finish for one night when i intend to go to bed, sometimes it continue till the next day even 3 days. and it could be repeat over for next week or month in the similar story and i never bored of it. Sometimes i make a story related to my life (with the same characters, not me) in the same setting where i used to live, like my real school, my real home, my real friend's home (n my friends will involved in it but me, im just a storymaker), but i will make a fiction story every i go to bed. Idk why i feel uncomfortable if i involve my real life in a go-to-bed-story (well call it fantasy rather that story anw). I always do it when im alone. Otherwise, not always, but often.
I used to do that and i loved it that way till i went to 11 grade SHS. It changed. I started to feel strange of myself. Those fantasy started to make me crazy. I become un-focus on everything. I started to make myself UNCONCSIOUSLY have that story in my head, especially if im bored. The thing, idk why that fantasy only came once in my dream. Though i do it almost in every single time. Nowadays, actually since 11 grade i become such a teribble girl who are confusing everything. I spent most of my time to do something that actually wasting, make me not sensitive to surrounding. I feel strange, un-focus. I often promise to myself, i will never make that kind of fantasy again. It never happen. The most successful one was 3 days in a row i could stop that fantasy in my head, but then it came up again. I also ever tried to write down my story in my head rather that just stuck it in, but every i intended to do it, i felt i couldnt, idk how to start and where to start becz my story never make sense. It's "too fiction" (but not kid's story).
Now, the characters that i make seem real. I know their faces, literally. They just looked real now. Look, im crazy!
Honestly, it starts to make me more insane. I dont want to have it. but nothing i could do except i want to try to get rid of it by denying it. I feel im crazy. -.- oh lord. get me out of there.
i feel silly now.
i dont care if there are people read this or not. I really wanna have personal diary but i just cant. idk why, i never have diary for a long time, like permanently. i prefer typing than manual writing. and i dont care if people want to read this or not, but i do care if there stranger read this, i mean people that i dont know. it just interesting to have people like that reading my post, so i wont embarassed since they dont know me lol. ok. enough. this writing are not important actually.
well,
i have many dreams, i wanna be someone in law background but not a lawyer, i want to work in medical things but not a doctor or nurse, i want to be a writer- a really good writer, i want to be a rich person, i want to have a religious,kind,cute,and wealthy husband, i want to feed many poor people with my money, i want to travel the world, i wanna have many friends and networks, i want to be able drawing or painting and singing and playing instruments, i want to be happy with all of those.
i never said that before, waw.
it sounds so greedy i know. But nevermind, i dont really attempt that though. It just my fantasy.
yeah, fantasy. that word. fantasy. fantasy really make me drunk and weak.
actually i'm not gonna write about my dreams-fantasy, instead, my fantasy which stuck in my head. im crazy. let me tell you n u can tell me that im crazy.
i have this fantasy everyday, and almost every single time even if people are talking to me. I was doing this CONSCIOUSLY since i was in 6th grade. So, this fantasy is a story made by me, im making a story in my head. I have quiet many characters, more than 3 guy and 3 girls. Im making a plot, un-neat plot. Sometimes it could finish for one night when i intend to go to bed, sometimes it continue till the next day even 3 days. and it could be repeat over for next week or month in the similar story and i never bored of it. Sometimes i make a story related to my life (with the same characters, not me) in the same setting where i used to live, like my real school, my real home, my real friend's home (n my friends will involved in it but me, im just a storymaker), but i will make a fiction story every i go to bed. Idk why i feel uncomfortable if i involve my real life in a go-to-bed-story (well call it fantasy rather that story anw). I always do it when im alone. Otherwise, not always, but often.
I used to do that and i loved it that way till i went to 11 grade SHS. It changed. I started to feel strange of myself. Those fantasy started to make me crazy. I become un-focus on everything. I started to make myself UNCONCSIOUSLY have that story in my head, especially if im bored. The thing, idk why that fantasy only came once in my dream. Though i do it almost in every single time. Nowadays, actually since 11 grade i become such a teribble girl who are confusing everything. I spent most of my time to do something that actually wasting, make me not sensitive to surrounding. I feel strange, un-focus. I often promise to myself, i will never make that kind of fantasy again. It never happen. The most successful one was 3 days in a row i could stop that fantasy in my head, but then it came up again. I also ever tried to write down my story in my head rather that just stuck it in, but every i intended to do it, i felt i couldnt, idk how to start and where to start becz my story never make sense. It's "too fiction" (but not kid's story).
Now, the characters that i make seem real. I know their faces, literally. They just looked real now. Look, im crazy!
Honestly, it starts to make me more insane. I dont want to have it. but nothing i could do except i want to try to get rid of it by denying it. I feel im crazy. -.- oh lord. get me out of there.
i feel silly now.
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