if only i had that courage

bleeeh. i need more times. i still cannot find my passions. get a life girl.

my mom keeps offering me to go to college here in Houston, and she'll let me stay in her house, which is very nice of her. but i dont think i'll survive hha.

my mom was very upset hearing that Ricky (her student last year from Indonesia as well) hasnt gotten accepted in any college yet. she said "What is wrong with colleges there Risni?? Ricky is a good person, he has passion, he's smart, what in the world that colleges didnt accept him? He's better apply scholarship to University of Houston, he can live with me..blablabla"

oh well.

anyway, 2 days ago i went to Austin with my clusters group. One of the thing that we visited was University of Texas in Austin which is the 2nd largest University around the Nation after Ohio State. We did college tour and i loved that university. The tour girl told us some weird stuffs for instance UT has class of History of Taco. I never expected that, seriously i mean they hate American History so they take History of Taco they learn Tacos for a full semester and they get credits for that. haha

but yeah i loved UT. its big, neat, many facilities, ad the tour girl said that it had many scholarship opportunities. my mom asked that girl about how International student could get in there, and she literally was looking at me. she ..yeah..give something like you know..that "courage" to put me there. i wish i wanted. well..honestly, i want it. but idk, i dont think i'll survive.

the thing is i dont wanna live in US for another years. go to college here means i live here for a while. it sounds like im pretty sure i'll get accepted haha. well, IF..u know, IF, just IF, just If God let me stay here for college, idk. my point is i prefer live in Indonesia than in US. <3

the other thing my mom keeps asking about is my passion. and yeah she helps me out, she told me about doctor, nursing, social working, teacher, every single profession that she thought i would interested at, it just so happen if me n my mom hear somebody says a word "passion" our eyes would meet ha. until one day..the same question she usually throws "so, did u find ur passion?" i said "probably i go with Pharmacy" and she cheered "finally Risni!!" oh well. but i said then "probably not".

anywayssss, im still kinda blur of passions i would ended up. being here is not helping me that much haha. somehow people around me tumbling me down. their confident, their smartness, their courage, their creativities, i wish i had all of those. smart people are surrounding me like crazy, as if they didnt let me to break a door toward hope~haha. im still stuck after all. for right now, my dream to make people i love proud of me, hasnt come true.

if only i had all people's courages. if only i were a Morpheus, making people falling asleep whenever they pass me and i'll suck all their courages into me. haha. no sense at all. at least im kinda sophisticated recently. lie. fail.