alright, here is resolution my hostmom named it for me, last year, for 2011
1. more assertive
2. speak louder
3. making more friends
did I make it? well, for honest. i did make it. :)
im going to cry right now. lol
now, im just gonna name my 2012 resolutions myself.
1. be more detail and decisive (its actually from my hostmom too :p)
2. be more social to big-family -cousins dkk-
3. STUDY HARDER THAN BEFORE
4. enter good university that I want
5. be humble
6. be more independent
7. PRAY a lot
those 7 are all PRIORITY.
Bismillah.
Kamis, 29 Desember 2011
Senin, 19 Desember 2011
stay strong, big guy!!
How do you treat your almost-always everyday-absent-classmate (class skipper??)? Its conditional. We treat them just fine if they generally are nice, and the opposite for the vice versa. Just fine doesnt literally mean JUST FINE, it has "teasing" kind of thing inside it. Teasing them for fun and yeah just for fun, you know, just a joke.
But how do you feel when you catch them crying over themselves because they feel their classmates are making fun of them so fanatically that they feel offended?
This is what happened last morning, at 2 AM, I had a nice-moving-vacation with my classmates at Pisita, Anyer. We had fun. A lot of FUN. One thing was the moving one is when we had this forum, just call it "sharing forum". The room we were in was dark cz we turned off the light to adding up some dramatic situation. And well, it worked. This one guy friend cried. He felt so grateful to have his classmates during these two years. And there was this guy who is a "class skipper" cried, too. Then this person were able to make all of us cried. It was so moving. His words was like magically turned our sleepy faces into guilty crying faces. This guy felt he was such a useless person and a garbage in class. He felt sorry. Of course we did cry. We didnt mean to have him feel that way, indeed. Though from the deepest heart of ours, we hoped that tears would change him to realize what he had done, surely, we want him to come to school and study like us EVERYDAY. Stay strong, big guy!
I cried, too. and it was like all that memories related to family and friends passed by. All my friends I have came into my mind and ordered the heart to cry. I am so grateful to live with such woderful and nice people ever. I am so grateful to find friends in US who were really able to make me smile everyday during my stay. I am so grateful to have me myself love and is loved by all friends despite our weakness. I am so grateful, I feel Ive been accepted before I was born as if people were waiting for me to be born. I will not treat my friends in vain. Hope they will not too. We live in mutual way, apparently.
But how do you feel when you catch them crying over themselves because they feel their classmates are making fun of them so fanatically that they feel offended?
This is what happened last morning, at 2 AM, I had a nice-moving-vacation with my classmates at Pisita, Anyer. We had fun. A lot of FUN. One thing was the moving one is when we had this forum, just call it "sharing forum". The room we were in was dark cz we turned off the light to adding up some dramatic situation. And well, it worked. This one guy friend cried. He felt so grateful to have his classmates during these two years. And there was this guy who is a "class skipper" cried, too. Then this person were able to make all of us cried. It was so moving. His words was like magically turned our sleepy faces into guilty crying faces. This guy felt he was such a useless person and a garbage in class. He felt sorry. Of course we did cry. We didnt mean to have him feel that way, indeed. Though from the deepest heart of ours, we hoped that tears would change him to realize what he had done, surely, we want him to come to school and study like us EVERYDAY. Stay strong, big guy!
I cried, too. and it was like all that memories related to family and friends passed by. All my friends I have came into my mind and ordered the heart to cry. I am so grateful to live with such woderful and nice people ever. I am so grateful to find friends in US who were really able to make me smile everyday during my stay. I am so grateful to have me myself love and is loved by all friends despite our weakness. I am so grateful, I feel Ive been accepted before I was born as if people were waiting for me to be born. I will not treat my friends in vain. Hope they will not too. We live in mutual way, apparently.
Jumat, 09 Desember 2011
Efforts
I was shocked. terribly schocked when I push out my Physic test from a stack of other friend's test. I got 2.5! What a stupid person that could make those grades!! And it is me!!
I wasnt that dissappointed, but like several minutes later, I feel so stupid. I have tutorials every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I study almost every night. Where in the world that grade came from?? I honestly felt coulndt do that impromptu daily Physic test, but I never thought it would be that bad. I am disliking myself for being overly stupid. I am questioning myself why I couldnt do the test. That 2.5 is the worst grade Ive ever had during my whole life time. SUCK. That's first.
Second. I AM MAD. I didnt even ask anybody the answers of the test and I did not open any books. Others did. And what happened? Others got terrific grades. They passed the test. I know it is common. I often experience that kind of thing. I didnt cheat and others cheated. Then Got worse grade than them. It might also happen to anybody like me that doesnt like cheating. Its common and I used to feel like nothing happened. didnt care. But why I feel so damn mad today?? Cz that 2.5 is too low, just too low. I hate it. Its very unfair.
I wish teachers graded the honesty of the students.
I realize cheating is a very common thing during school period even college perhaps. I dont like cheating, but I do like all my friends though my friends do cheat. Well what can I do if I do not like cheating and I do not like cheaters (read: my friends)? For right now, I cant say I hate cheaters. Got no friends if u hate cheaters cz everyone in the world are cheaters -___________-
But jut Please dont suggest me to follow others to cheat. I hate cheating.
I wasnt that dissappointed, but like several minutes later, I feel so stupid. I have tutorials every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I study almost every night. Where in the world that grade came from?? I honestly felt coulndt do that impromptu daily Physic test, but I never thought it would be that bad. I am disliking myself for being overly stupid. I am questioning myself why I couldnt do the test. That 2.5 is the worst grade Ive ever had during my whole life time. SUCK. That's first.
Second. I AM MAD. I didnt even ask anybody the answers of the test and I did not open any books. Others did. And what happened? Others got terrific grades. They passed the test. I know it is common. I often experience that kind of thing. I didnt cheat and others cheated. Then Got worse grade than them. It might also happen to anybody like me that doesnt like cheating. Its common and I used to feel like nothing happened. didnt care. But why I feel so damn mad today?? Cz that 2.5 is too low, just too low. I hate it. Its very unfair.
I wish teachers graded the honesty of the students.
I realize cheating is a very common thing during school period even college perhaps. I dont like cheating, but I do like all my friends though my friends do cheat. Well what can I do if I do not like cheating and I do not like cheaters (read: my friends)? For right now, I cant say I hate cheaters. Got no friends if u hate cheaters cz everyone in the world are cheaters -___________-
But jut Please dont suggest me to follow others to cheat. I hate cheating.
Rabu, 07 Desember 2011
I expected them to listen!
Another reason why I prefer writing (mainly nowadays though its hard to implement that "prefer-ness") is that not all people will listen to you.
You got story and youre planning to share em to your friends. How can you know they would listen?? Even A BESTFRIEND EVER, you have a chance to not be listened. Its not a fifty-fifty chance, It could be 80 to 20 chance for not be listened and be listened.
I have this one friend that I really proud of. Im brave enough to mention her name. NITA YUNITA. She is one of my bestfriends. She is a best listener EVER (best listener definition: You listen and you response; Response is not equal as solve). NONE of my stories that she didnt listen to. I like her. Good listener is good person I assume. I dont expect people to solve my stories, Im happy if people listen to me and response like they are excited to know more. Nita respects her friends.
So I realize something that is really important to me. I was not (or I am not) a really good listener. Now I am trying to be. Why? I have been in this situation when a friend of mine (SHE) did not listen to me. It SUCKS. I was like "FUCK YOU!" It felt like she did not respect me at all. The thing is, I ALWAYS listen to every single stories that she shares.
Im literally saying that I want people respect me when I DO RESPECT them. Its a mutual-life-things, you feel upset when somebody is using you- you help them when they need you, but they dont help you when you need them.
---------------------------------------- ***
You got story and youre planning to share em to your friends. How can you know they would listen?? Even A BESTFRIEND EVER, you have a chance to not be listened. Its not a fifty-fifty chance, It could be 80 to 20 chance for not be listened and be listened.
I have this one friend that I really proud of. Im brave enough to mention her name. NITA YUNITA. She is one of my bestfriends. She is a best listener EVER (best listener definition: You listen and you response; Response is not equal as solve). NONE of my stories that she didnt listen to. I like her. Good listener is good person I assume. I dont expect people to solve my stories, Im happy if people listen to me and response like they are excited to know more. Nita respects her friends.
So I realize something that is really important to me. I was not (or I am not) a really good listener. Now I am trying to be. Why? I have been in this situation when a friend of mine (SHE) did not listen to me. It SUCKS. I was like "FUCK YOU!" It felt like she did not respect me at all. The thing is, I ALWAYS listen to every single stories that she shares.
Im literally saying that I want people respect me when I DO RESPECT them. Its a mutual-life-things, you feel upset when somebody is using you- you help them when they need you, but they dont help you when you need them.
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First bad mood
hi bloggy. Its been a month I didnt visit you, well anyway here I am, writting to you, trying to make something right as always.
Sometimes I feel dumb to not write enough my whole-life-time story, I mean I used to write a lot to feel better, but since high school I kinda not in my mood to write frequently. I used to write poems like every single boredom that I had, i was associating with words, tried to make my poems suitable with my feelings, it didnt turn out to be lame until I read it over when I got to be a high schooler. All my poems were GARBAGE. I got upset to myself, I asked myself, "Didnt you have a good Indonesian teacher to teach you how to write? Didnt you have a brain of make-something-makessense already since you knew which one chair was and which one phone was? Are you really able to write?" Oh dang I was making everything messed up. I even didnt care what I was writing about and what it was for, all I remember was I wrote to make my feelings better and to feel proud that my writting full of STRANGE WORDS. Oh how lame.
And now, whenever I want to write something like formal stories or poems, I would think thrice (not twice), cz I dont want my writting to be meaningless.
Anyhow, I'd like to emphasize that sometimes I feel dumb to not write my life-stories. Im not saying that my life-stories are worth-reading, it just this urge and courage whenever I read my sister's write, Im like, "O wow, its beautiful if you had your kids or your future friends read it, moreover, if your future YOU yourself read it! Its gonna be full of laughs, cries, and smiles!". You know, when you think of something, it would dissappear fast, but if you write, hey there it is!! I LOVE WRITING. But the urge to really ACT to write?? Not really. Writing is hard, I admit it. And it needs time, literally, when I write, I need a whole day to really make a good writing. That makes me think I actually wasnt born to be a writer like my sister and my dad were. Though I wish I were.
I dont really like some writes about essays or critisizing things. I guess not all writers are actually implement what they write. thats what i dont like to be a writer. When you write you're supposed to pledge and promise yourself that your writes are not hands-movement only, but it is a way to make you and everybody who reads it become better person. If you write "study is good" means "I study". And thats the way it works. To me, bad writers are them who cannot guarantee their writes. Duh, I hate them. Really. Thats why I prefer to be a story-writer when you less likely advising readers directly.
Im not a good-word-arrangment-person kind of that. When I try to explain something well, my tongue tends to slipped as well as I write. But at least, when I write I have some times to think what I gotta say. So I prefer writing than speaking just like I prefer writing personal stories than chatting to my friends about my personal stuffs.
Now i kinda lose my mood booster to write. That's terrible. Cz when I dont write means I dont share anything. Means Im burrying my personal stories in my brain until it smells bad that what I call it distress.
Sometimes I feel dumb to not write enough my whole-life-time story, I mean I used to write a lot to feel better, but since high school I kinda not in my mood to write frequently. I used to write poems like every single boredom that I had, i was associating with words, tried to make my poems suitable with my feelings, it didnt turn out to be lame until I read it over when I got to be a high schooler. All my poems were GARBAGE. I got upset to myself, I asked myself, "Didnt you have a good Indonesian teacher to teach you how to write? Didnt you have a brain of make-something-makessense already since you knew which one chair was and which one phone was? Are you really able to write?" Oh dang I was making everything messed up. I even didnt care what I was writing about and what it was for, all I remember was I wrote to make my feelings better and to feel proud that my writting full of STRANGE WORDS. Oh how lame.
And now, whenever I want to write something like formal stories or poems, I would think thrice (not twice), cz I dont want my writting to be meaningless.
Anyhow, I'd like to emphasize that sometimes I feel dumb to not write my life-stories. Im not saying that my life-stories are worth-reading, it just this urge and courage whenever I read my sister's write, Im like, "O wow, its beautiful if you had your kids or your future friends read it, moreover, if your future YOU yourself read it! Its gonna be full of laughs, cries, and smiles!". You know, when you think of something, it would dissappear fast, but if you write, hey there it is!! I LOVE WRITING. But the urge to really ACT to write?? Not really. Writing is hard, I admit it. And it needs time, literally, when I write, I need a whole day to really make a good writing. That makes me think I actually wasnt born to be a writer like my sister and my dad were. Though I wish I were.
I dont really like some writes about essays or critisizing things. I guess not all writers are actually implement what they write. thats what i dont like to be a writer. When you write you're supposed to pledge and promise yourself that your writes are not hands-movement only, but it is a way to make you and everybody who reads it become better person. If you write "study is good" means "I study". And thats the way it works. To me, bad writers are them who cannot guarantee their writes. Duh, I hate them. Really. Thats why I prefer to be a story-writer when you less likely advising readers directly.
Im not a good-word-arrangment-person kind of that. When I try to explain something well, my tongue tends to slipped as well as I write. But at least, when I write I have some times to think what I gotta say. So I prefer writing than speaking just like I prefer writing personal stories than chatting to my friends about my personal stuffs.
Now i kinda lose my mood booster to write. That's terrible. Cz when I dont write means I dont share anything. Means Im burrying my personal stories in my brain until it smells bad that what I call it distress.
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