last week of school

PANIK

if only i had that courage

bleeeh. i need more times. i still cannot find my passions. get a life girl.

my mom keeps offering me to go to college here in Houston, and she'll let me stay in her house, which is very nice of her. but i dont think i'll survive hha.

my mom was very upset hearing that Ricky (her student last year from Indonesia as well) hasnt gotten accepted in any college yet. she said "What is wrong with colleges there Risni?? Ricky is a good person, he has passion, he's smart, what in the world that colleges didnt accept him? He's better apply scholarship to University of Houston, he can live with me..blablabla"

oh well.

anyway, 2 days ago i went to Austin with my clusters group. One of the thing that we visited was University of Texas in Austin which is the 2nd largest University around the Nation after Ohio State. We did college tour and i loved that university. The tour girl told us some weird stuffs for instance UT has class of History of Taco. I never expected that, seriously i mean they hate American History so they take History of Taco they learn Tacos for a full semester and they get credits for that. haha

but yeah i loved UT. its big, neat, many facilities, ad the tour girl said that it had many scholarship opportunities. my mom asked that girl about how International student could get in there, and she literally was looking at me. she ..yeah..give something like you know..that "courage" to put me there. i wish i wanted. well..honestly, i want it. but idk, i dont think i'll survive.

the thing is i dont wanna live in US for another years. go to college here means i live here for a while. it sounds like im pretty sure i'll get accepted haha. well, IF..u know, IF, just IF, just If God let me stay here for college, idk. my point is i prefer live in Indonesia than in US. <3

the other thing my mom keeps asking about is my passion. and yeah she helps me out, she told me about doctor, nursing, social working, teacher, every single profession that she thought i would interested at, it just so happen if me n my mom hear somebody says a word "passion" our eyes would meet ha. until one day..the same question she usually throws "so, did u find ur passion?" i said "probably i go with Pharmacy" and she cheered "finally Risni!!" oh well. but i said then "probably not".

anywayssss, im still kinda blur of passions i would ended up. being here is not helping me that much haha. somehow people around me tumbling me down. their confident, their smartness, their courage, their creativities, i wish i had all of those. smart people are surrounding me like crazy, as if they didnt let me to break a door toward hope~haha. im still stuck after all. for right now, my dream to make people i love proud of me, hasnt come true.

if only i had all people's courages. if only i were a Morpheus, making people falling asleep whenever they pass me and i'll suck all their courages into me. haha. no sense at all. at least im kinda sophisticated recently. lie. fail.

u dont know what WE have experienced, i dont blame ya if u dont wanna know our stories :)

i didnt realize that much that i was an exchange student.
now i do. being an exchange student is a blessing.
'tasting' how its like to go to school in another country is a blessing.
'tasting' how its like to live with another family is a blessing.

it is not
"went to United States is the best experience ever"
it is
"became an exchange student is the best experience ever"

i would love to be an exchange student again in another country...doesnt matter what country it would :) but well i'll be senior this year..so..u know.. =.=

dont act like a tourist

i was in pre-departure orientation, and this girl, from Norway, gosh i just looovvveee her thoughts, said "dont act like a tourist"

she said, "you know, some people kinda like showing off to their friends back home. but actually, we're not tourists, we're exchange students"

love it love it love it. she was my room mate for 3 days in this activity from AFS in San Anotnio. i just like her. in some points, the way she talks to people kinda like 'obvious' and 'direct' make people offended, but ive learned that Norway culture somehow like that. i dont care, i know her intentions are good. haha :)

other point.
ive learned in the orientation, that "not our friends in our country would get excited to hear our story in US, cz they werent the exchange student, but us, who felt it" so, ive learned, when i come back, im not gonna expect too much for a 'welcome behavior' that my friends and family would come up with, what i care is, i bring 'something' for myself, and for whoever who wanna have a talk with me, my open heart, i'd love to tell my stories :)

cz im an exchange student and i love for being an exchange student.

love~