i can't help, i hate being 18.

look, world is full of different things! (open minded is necessarily required)

i dont know what to say, but i'm getting suck now, i'm 18 but i feel like i do nothing. do you know what teenagers used to act when they have no idea who they are? they're wasting their time, uhh it's me now.
am i a teenager now? not really, i mean i'm 18! i'm eligible to drive, so what? idk.
(see, i'm getting unorganize to do things even writing)
my life has no good progress, at least what im feeling, idk what people think and for now i dont care though.
i learned psychology during my semester here, i know some "what is it called" that happens to me.
1. ID moratorium. this is the identity that teens usually experience. they're asking questions bout everything they dont understand exactly, they have no commitment yet, and they feel suck like me, life is just so complicated.
2. ID foreclosure. im honestly say here what happens to me as well. sometimes i do follow everything people like to and i think those people are my "leader", my "god". my "everything" n then i follow them without asking as i think they're right! they're cool! oh whataver. im being completely follower.
3. Compensation defense and Reaction Formation defense. Often, i see many people are a way superior than me, clever, smarter, rich, talented, just a way different with me. then im feeling envy, instead of being angry to them, im compliment them. then i make 'compensation' by saying "okay, i dont have that, but i have this,". BUT not really for right now. im seeing too many. too many people are really really superior. i just admire them and envy them. im sort of have a stiff smile admiring and hoping i could be just like them.
4. dominance, deference, and succorance in the same life time but different situation. do i have a double personality?? yes i do. that's what i think..and feel that bring me up to feel pleasure, but other time bring me down to feel so dependent and shy and shy and shy. Tumbling on the sand with a pillow cover my face attempt to put it on my butt. what a world that bring me in this images. i cant control my self to act not like an 18 girl or.. women.

i dont have principes, commintment to my life. idk what im suppose to do. 18 is too adult for me to do something what kids do and i do what kids do anyways. so, do you know what are you going to do when you turn 18?

it seems so exessive for most of u, i bet it does. but.. look. you dont know what i feel.